CougZone.com - The Telepathic Tabernacle

October 22, 2009

The TeleTab

After spending the good portion of the month of October in the dumpster out back, the Telepathic Tabernacle finally remembered what it was like to prognosticate Pac-10 collegiate football games like the TeleTab did in the first week of the season/ The Tab rolled out the red carpet skunk in the Straight Up Division and then followed that up with a solid 3-1 effort against the spread for a combined 7-1 mark that brought some color back into the picture. What was thought to be the easiest win of the week - a USC victory over the Leprechauns - was looking just that way with a 20-point lead in the fourth quarter until the girls of Troy nearly collapsed like a cinder block concrete building in an earthquake on the San Andreas fault. The girls went from a three-touchdown lead to nearly losing or tying - twice - in the last seconds of the game. Fortunately, for the Tab's SU picks, they prevailed, but they took down the Gem by a single point and that was a hard pill to swallow. The Fighting Tedfords had an even easier time with UCLA than the Tab thought and that took some of the sting from the bleeding ulcer away - the one that came with the USC game. But Arizona brought the pain back when they toyed with the Trees before finally putting them away - by a single point over the spread - in the last quarter. Then, the Sun Devils sealed the deal when the Hussy coaching staff and players suddenly coached and played to their potential and helped ASU grab the easiest last second touchdown pass the Tab has ever seen. That gave the Tab a semi-respectable percentage - 71% - again in the SU Division. That is still way off the gold standard of 80% but at least within range and the ATS Division crawled to within a game of the equator - which should be breached this week. The Gem of the Week, as mentioned above, was the victim of duplicity emanating from the city of Los Angeles - not the first time this has happened - and fell to an abominable 2-5 on the season.

Week Eight features a full slate of conference games - finally - and with it come several delectable dishes that the Tab is feeling fond of [in a platonic manner, naturally]. First, let's eliminate the unsavory games - those would be Oregon-Washington [too much contrived rivalry talk - whenever fans invent a rivalry, the media hops on the bandwagon and ignores the fakery and then all involved take it too seriously - time to back away slowly?] and Wazzu-Cal [too many injuries]. That leaves UCLA-Arizona, OSU-USC and ASU-Stanford. The Tab is not taking the girls to the dance this week after the dissing they gave the Tab last week and while the Tab is tempted to take the Wildcats, they have been too squirrelly in the last two weeks and the Tab has had enough of squirrels. That leaves the old Tab favorite - the Trees at home, right where the Tab likes 'em. ASU's strength is a good pass-rushing defensive line and the Trees' strength is Toby Gerhart and Jim Harbaugh's gold-plated toilet. One of those will be good enough to cover the spread and the Tab selects the Trees to win and cover as the official Gem of the Week. The rest of this week's quivering quilts of queerness?.

STRAIGHT UP

Oregon over Washington

California over Wazzu

Arizona over UCLA

USC over Oregon State

Stanford over Arizona State

Last Week: 4-0

This Year: 32-13

AGAINST THE SPREAD

UW [+10] over Oregon

Wazzu [+35.5] over Cal

Arizona [-7] over UCLA

USC [-20] over OSU

Stanford [-6] over ASU

Last Week: 3-1

This Year: 22-23

+++++++sponsored by Clark's Restaurant+++++++++

Attention COUGAR fans and well-wishers! Autumn is here! How can you afford to go one day further without some tasty morsels from Clark's Restaurant in Grays Harbor - home of the Best Hamburger in Twin Harbors for nine consecutive years? Come in for the burger, fresh homemade fries and milkshakes concocted from homemade ice cream. Go ahead, we dare you to try and pass up more than 12 varieties of hamburgers to choose from, full dinners, lunch and full breakfast served daily. Clark's Restaurant 360.538.1487. Seven miles south of Aberdeen, Washington on Highway 101. Proud supporter of CougZone. Mention this ad for a free small hot chocolate.

FEATURED PRODUCT