Santa arrived early for Tommy and left some gifts for him in Week One and Butch is happy because a] it is the holidays, b] he is full of nog and c] it is what Tommy deserves. Tommy has been a good boy this year – so Santa rewarded him with a shiny new toy robot and a gift Emerald Bowl win for his only Pac-10 bowl win so far. Good for Tommy! Now we enter the Nog Zone of holiday bowl game season – Week Two – where we are battered by bowl game after bowl game until it finally ends somewhere in a noggy haze. Let's see if Tommy and Santa have signed a pre-nuptial agreement for Week Two...
Tommy: Well, Tommy and Butch are at it again. Back at .500 for the bowl season. Like I said, Wayne Allan Root isn't any more scared of us than Barack Obama is looking over his shoulder at Wayne Allan Root. I'll blame it on Butch's nog, which is a lovely mix of heaven and hard liquor. For now, Tommy will pretend to be sober and march on with some picks.
Butch: Another ladle of nog all around! It's the holidays, Tommy and we all live in Bedford Falls for the week [the good Bedford Falls, not Pottersville, although we still get to gamble in the good one], so Butch is not distraught that Tommy has a lead or even that he might leave him in the dust – as long as it's nog mix dust. More nog for Rudolph, his nose isn't red enough yet!
Holiday "Nog" Bowl
Oregon v. Oklahoma State (-3)
Tommy: Tommy's got a feeling that the Big 12 is going to prove to be a giant fraud this bowl season...except for Texas, who is playing the biggest fraud of the last three years. The SchNikes have also proven themselves with explosive offense, so Tommy thinks this will be a game of who makes less mistakes. Tommy closes his eyes and points to Bullotti. And if they lose, it will only be because they beat themselves or just ran out of time. Cost The Trojans The Fiesta Bowl-41, Uh, Who Have You Guys Beat?-40.
Butch: Well then, that would make it fraud [Big 12] against fraud [Nikes], Tommy [kinda like those old Spy vs. Spy contests] – which is just the kind of nailbiter gig Butch figures it will be with OK State pulling out the win but the Nikes pulling out the cover.
"Brut-al" Sun Bowl
Pittsburgh v. Oregon State (-2.5)
Tommy: The mighty Panthers needed four OTs to beat Notre Dame, so how good could they be? Well, the Beavs are without Jacquizz Rodgers, so that could cramp their style. But Tommy likes the Bark Eaters to beat anyone who doesn't run the read option, and the Panthers don't. What Might Have Been-21, Still Doubt That Wannstedt Can Coach-16.
Butch: Karma is tough. Riley's Rodents really wanted to throw that fourth quarter touchdown pass in a blowout win over Wazzu and now they are where they belong as the payback so it is all even and maybe they have learned their lesson but without Quiz, that is a different team. Butch takes Pitt to win and cover.
Peach "Currently Known By Some Sponsor" Bowl
LSU v. Georgia Tech (-4)
Tommy: Tommy picked this one because he loves seeing the struggling Tigers, who backed into a national title last year, being a lowly underdog against a team that didn't even win their half of the ACC. Not to mention the fact that the Tiggers are going to get hammered because they don't play defense. Tommy's setting his TiVo for this one. Fighting Johnsons-36, Five Loss Losers-18.
Butch: It is like the college bowls first decided how they could ruin college football ["Eureka! – put sponsor names in front of everything!"] then decided to make it worse by inviting mediocre teams to clog everybody's arteries with indifference. Butch wakes up from his nap long enough to take the Wreck to win and cover because he has no problem seeing any SEC team suffer.
Outback "Who Cares?" Bowl
South Carolina v. Iowa (-4)
Tommy: This game will be competitive, although it will probably be as exciting as the Cougs' basketball style. (Sorry, Butch, it's boring.) Spurrier's team can play some defense, and Iowa's QB is mediocre at best, so Tommy thinks four points is too many, even for a team that handed Penn State their only loss. Crowned The Next President-16, Even Jesse Jackson Won Here-14.
Butch: What, Tommy? The Sweet 16 is not exciting enough for you? You need more nog. Butch believes he told you, Tommy, about South Carolina's role in U.S. history before, did he not? Back to the books for you, Trojan. Butch takes the Corncobs to win and cover.
Penn State v. USC (-9.5)
Tommy: Let's be honest. The Big Ten/Eleven is an embarrassing joke at this time. Its top three teams are all underdogs by a TD or more, and there's a reason for that. The Trojans will prove to be too fast for a Big Ten/Eleven team yet again, especially on defense, and a game that has been hyped for being close will yet again be a laugher by the start of the fourth quarter. Wake Me When Someone Else Wins The Conference-28, Yet Another Big Ten Pretender-10.
Butch: Butch agrees with Tommy's assessment of the Big 11 but Old Man Paterno is a crotchety old coot and Butch sees the Nitts hanging around until his boys of Troy finally put them away late in the game. Therefore, Butch takes USC to win but the Nitts to cover.
Texas Tech (-4) v. Mississippi
Tommy: Tommy thinks this is an interesting match-up between the only team that beat Florida and the only team that beat Texas. Houston Nutt is probably driving Arkansas fans nuts with his instant success (while they sit at home this holiday season and make more moonshine), and Tommy thinks that he will make them even crazier on the morn of New Year's Day with a bit of an upset. We're Just Nutts For Nutt-35, Where Will Mike Leach Interview Next-31.
Butch: Nobody on the West Coast finds this interesting, Tommy, that's for sure. Butch takes the Big 12 team to win and cover.
"Splenda" Sugar Bowl
Utah v. Alabama (-10)
Tommy: Tommy's got a feeling about this one. The Tide have struggled against teams who are not as good as Utah, such as Tulane, Kentucky, and LSU, and they don't have the greatest offense in the world. Still, the Skirted One is going against his gut and saying that the Tide will roll because they overwhelm their opponent on both lines. Welcome Back To Prominence, Bama-35, Nothing To Be Ashamed Of-24.
Butch: Should be a playoff game – only with Utah playing Ohio State in a classic 7-10 match-up and Alabama playing Oklahoma State in a 4-13 game. Butch takes the Utes to cover.
"Forget The" Fiesta Bowl
Ohio State v. Texas (-8)
Tommy: Tommy's also got a feeling here, too. The Horns played no one outside of conference, so it isn't clear how good they are. They don't have the overwhelming speed that USC or the SEC schools have. The Bucks are finally going to get Todd Boeckman out on the field, which could jump start their passing game. Finally, the Bucks have made a living at playing well in Arizona. Tommy says this one is closer than the experts expect. No Title For You-28, Our Seniors Came Back For This?-24.
Butch: Butch watched Mary Poppins the other night and - he swears – she said there is no way in "supercallifragilistic-texpialidocious" that Texas could cover this spread. They will need a lot more than a spoonful of sugar, baby! Butch swears this is what he heard – so he must go with the Poisonous Nuts to cover.
GMAC "Holiday Fruitcake" Bowl
Tulsa v. Ball State (-2)
Tommy: This one should be entertaining with a lot of scoring. Ball State spit the bit against a below average Buffalo team, and suspects that it will do the same against a far better Tulsa team. Malzahn Really Misses Nutt And Mustain-38, Balls-24.
Butch: What is this, Tommy? This reminds Butch of the festering heap of garbage that is growing because it has not been picked up for three weeks – nobody will notice when one of these teams wins but everybody notices the stink. Butch says tie.
The "Should Be A Playoff" Bowl
Oklahoma v. Florida (-3)
Tommy: When in doubt, pick the team that actually plays defense. The 66th rated defense ain't gonna win a national title, and for that reason, this game won't be close. Notre Dame Is My Dream School...Because They Keep Helping Me Get Raises-49, Punked Yet Again On The Big Stage-24.
Butch: Florida has warm, tropical weather, Oklahoma does not. Butch likes warm, tropical weather. That is Butch's scientific reasoning. Butch takes the Gators to win and cover.
Overall [so far]: 3-3
Overall [so far]: 0-6
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