Butch v. Tommy - Week 10

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Things could not have been worse for Tommy last week. First and foremost, while cruising merrily along on the road to the 2007 collegiate football national championship, his boys of Troy blew a gasket at a rest stop in Eugene and now must take a detour – possibly to the Holiday Bowl. Secondly, and to make matters worse, he did not gain any ground on Butch with only four weeks left in conference play and even lost ground in his non-conference noogie collection. Then this whole, pesky Reggie Bush thing keeps getting in the way of Heritage Hall genuflection. Finally, he didn't get any Reese's peanut butter cups on Halloween because Dennis Dixon took them from out of his pillow case and ran and, of course, no Trojan can catch him, much less figure out which way he went or if he gave them to Jonathan Stewart for safekeeping. Now, Tommy is really desperate to make up six games on Butch, because to have even a feasible chance to catch Butch, he will have to get above .500 in the next few weeks. So it's No-Loss November for him, let's see what Tommy has up his sleeve to frighten Butch and try to take advantage of his sugar hangover this week.
Tommy: Wow, Tommy and Butch were nogging it again. But then again, who would count on Oregon's defense to win a game? Or the explosive Arizona offense? Or Georgia's overall record against Florida? It's a good thing Tommy doesn't live in Vegas, or he'd be without a shirt and a skirt. All we can do is plug ahead and pray for the season to end mercifully.
Butch: Oh, if we lived in Vegas, Tommy, we would be like that guy drinking out of a paper bag who wanders in to the sports book and sleeps it off. Wait, that is if we had your record – if we had Butch's record, we'd probably be able to afford one night for a suite at Fred's Casino and Spa and then take our 2-for-1 coupon for some fine buffet dining at Safeway. Of course, then Butch would take a dip in the pool and wait for basketball season.

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Arizona State at Oregon (-7)
Tommy: "Ow, my thumb hurts." That's going to be the demise of the Sun Devils and their national title hopes. The Ducks right now are the team to beat, and finally ASU's cushy schedule is going to catch up with them. Stewart and Dixon roll to an easy win. Go Badgers And Crimson Tide-38, BCS Game Still In Reach-20.
Butch: There isn't even any drama in this game. What's a big game without drama? A blowout. The Nikes have won the last two against ASU – in Tempe – and that was before Dixon had figured out the spread option like the back of his hand. Butch takes the Nikes to also easily win and cover.
UCLA (-2.5) at Arizona
Tommy: Remember the last time the Bruins strolled into Tucson? Their butt still hurts from the kicking that they took. Tommy's not sure it will be another beatdown of epic performance, but the Bruins have embarrassed themselves against lower tier competition, and this game would qualify as that. The Cats are riding high after a huge road win against the mighty Huskies. It's time for the wheels to completely fall off for Dorrell, as Tommy has predicted all year. You're Still Not Going Bowling-27, Guerrero Says "Dorrell Sucks, And You Can Use That"-24.
Butch: It's good to be the king….and the home team in this series, as the home team has won the last three games. After watching UCLA play last week and in previous weeks against the Leprechauns and Utah, Butch has no idea how the Bruins got a favorable line in this game. Butch takes the Wildcats to win and cover…and don't call it an upset.
Oregon State at USC (-15.5)
Tommy: Tommy doesn't have a lot of faith in this Trojan group, who is 3-5 against the number this season. More than two TDs is a lot of points, especially since the Men of Troy have struggled against the Beavs of late. Tommy won't be surprised if he gets this one wrong after OSU buries itself in its usual mountain of turnovers on the road, but the Skirted One has a shy trigger finger when it comes to his boys. Good Guys-24, Hot Beavers-10.
Butch: There's no way…no way…Butch sees Tommy's boys go "all Cal" on us and lose two in a row, but there's also no way, Jose, that Butch sees his boys covering this type of double-digit spread with the Rodentry's defense and their offensive capability via Alexis Serna, to score from the 40-yard line on in. Oh yeah, plus, Mike Riley is 2-1 ATS against Pete Carroll. Butch takes OSU to cover.
Wazzu at California (-14.5)
Tommy: Tommy has to take the supreme credit for choosing possibly the worst team in the Pac-10 to beat a team that was undefeated in conference. Butch wouldn't take the leap with him. That may be the only thing Tommy has over Butch this year. Unfortunately for the Guy with the Furry Tail, the fun ends this week against a Golden Bear bunch that has to come out of its funk sooner or later. Butch's boys beaten badly in Berkeley. Guess What, You're Still Only Cal-38, The Final Three Will Tell The Tale For Doba-17.
Butch: This is an intriguing game for Butch. On one hand, Cougar head coach Bill Doba has never beaten Jeff Tedford, yet, on the other hand, judging by the Fightin' Tedfords latest swoon, it seems like this would be the most appropriate time for something like that to happen. But then on that mutant third hand, there is the fact that the Tedfords' have superior special teams talent. Butch is torn, so he takes Wazzu to keep it close enough to cover.
Washington (-3) at Stanford
Tommy: Tommy's going to stick with the Trees here until the Huskies show that they can win a game, seeing as the great Ty Willingham has not led them to a conference win yet. Gaining Confidence As We Speak-31, The Armenian Genocide Was Ty's Fault-29.
Butch: Winless Willie's triumphant return to the Farm! Will it produce a head of e. coli-laden lettuce for the Trees or will he be too busy reminiscing about the good old days among the eucalyptus groves when people were worried about academics and football and not just winning Pac-10 football games. Ah, the warm late autumn breeze and the margaritas in the air and…snort!...what!? Oh yeah, Butch even got carried away there for a second, sorry. Butch takes the Trees to win and cover.
Non-conference Noogies
LSU (-7) at Alabama
Tommy: Whether Butchie likes it or not, Saban Bowl must be discussed in this column space. Any one notice that the team that many still say is America's best is has not covered in five straight games. Ready to make it six? No more Mike Shula means no more blowouts, and it also means a loss this year. That ought to really fire up LSU fans. God Coaches Our Team-17, Corndogs-16.
Butch: Butch does not. What kind of choice is this? It's like choosing between an apple packed with razor blades or an orange packed with razor blades. Butch likes berries. After a big swig of nog, Butch takes LSU to win and cover…but it's okay with him if they don't.
Navy at Notre Dame (-3.5)
Tommy: This is it. The 43 years of frustration for the academy end Saturday. Weis will try to install the run and shoot for this game to confuse the Middies, but those who serve in our military are used to running and shooting. This one's for America! Heroes-30, Tommy Was Chuck Weis for Halloween With Just A Hoodie And A Pillow-28.
Butch: Well, now that's more like it, Tommy. If you're going to force Butch to hold his nose with yet another SEC pick, the least you can do is throw in an easy Leprechaun loss. Ahoy there, sailor, Butch takes Navy to hit the deck and cover.
Texas (-3) at Oklahoma State
Tommy: This ought to be fun. The Cowboys have been tough at home, and the Horns just aren't what they used to be without Vince Young. Tommy smells upset, or is that just cow dung? I'M A MAN! I'M 40!-35, Back To Back Alamo Trips?-24.
Butch: Hey, did you see that 15-lateral play, Tommy? That's way more exciting than the play in this conference. Maybe next week we'll get a Noogie west of the Rockies, until then, Butch is not going to bother even going through the motions of being bored to his skull and watch this game. Butch takes OSU to cover.
Last Week: 2-3
Overall: 24-29
Last Week: 2-2
Overall: 30-23
Non-Conference Noogies
Last Week: 0-3
Overall: 6-12
Last Week: 1-2
Overall: 9-9
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