football Edit

Butch v. Tommy - Week 11

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The volcano is bubbling and about to burst for our pal, Tommy. After yet another week of losing ground to virtuous, shiny, everything-that-is-right-with-America Butch, Tommy is officially on the ropes – digitally-enhanced ropes, but ropes, nonetheless. Only 16 conference games remain in the 2007 season and Tommy is staring down the barrel of a seven-game deficit, not to mention the fact that he still must crack the .500 barrier, which Butch is going to start referring to as the "Tommy Line" if he finishes under it yet again this year [his third year in a row]. Last week, Tommy lost a game to Butch when he was under the mistaken impression that either Cal was going to suddenly get better in a week or they were going to cover their first Pac-10 double digit line in a month. The Fightin' Tedfords did neither and Butch took home the nog trophy for the week. Now, with all that rope Butch has given him, he is expecting Tommy to pull a rope-a-dope maneuver this week. No-loss November is already history for Tommy, so let's see what other catchy motto can be stapled to this week's desperation tactics.
Tommy: John McKay once said that a tie is like kissing your sister, and there were a few ties this week. Does Butch have a sister? Tommy's not sure. What he is sure of is that this season has not been kind to the Skirted One, and the season of nog is upon us, so it could get worse. Maybe the holidays will include some gift picks for Tommy. He's been a good boy this year.
Butch: Don't know if you heard, Tommy, but there's a writer's strike in Hollywood. That means Butch cannot use the word "sister" – but he has been cleared to use the word "twisted". Therefore, kissing either your twisted sister [or Dee Snider] is forbidden – but Hollywood might be okay with Dee and John hooking up when they are allowed to use words again.
Arizona State (-7) at UCLA
Tommy: The Ruins have been very tough on Pac-10 opponents at home straight up and against the spread. Only the Cougs have had much success against the spread at the Rose Bowl. UCLA has won three of the last four over the Sun Devils, and Tommy thinks that Osaar Rasshan will give enough of a spark for the Ruins to cover. Dennis Can Still Coach-23, The Karl Dorrell Farewell Tour-20.
Butch: Weird – Butch and Tommy agreeing on UCLA. But the numbers are there to back them up. Dorrell has been unblemished against ASU ATS [4-0] and as long as Rasshan stays in the game and they don't have to throw that McLeod BLT in there, Butch also sees Ursa Minor covering the spread.
Stanford at Wazzu (-10.5)
Tommy: Tommy likes the match-up of Alex Brink vs. the blitz happy Stanford D. The Cardinal offense has hit the wall, and a less conservative defensive scheme has led Butch's Cougs to back to back solid performances after the bombing in Eugene. Butch, follow the lead and back your boys. March To A Bowl?-31, Getting Better But Not Good Enough To Beat Ty-10.
Butch: Well, Tommy, if you had drank your nog and then conducted research on this series, you might notice a strange anomaly – the Trees seem to win in Pullman. Now, at first, you're thinking that's the nog talking, but it's true, Wazzu has not beaten the Trees in Pullman in a decade. Butch thinks Wazzu will finally get the job done on that front but the Trees won't go down without a fight and he sees Wazzu winning but the Trees covering.
USC (-4) at California
Tommy: Tommy's liking SC's chances in this one. The Bears were out of synch against Butchie's boys, and Cal has not put together a solid offensive performance since the Oregon game. How does 3-4 in conference sound, Bear fans? Good Guys-31, Men In Trees-17.
Butch: Whenever Pete Carroll and the boys have been a single-digit favorite in the last two years – which has not been too often – they are 4-0. But if Wazzu's defense can hold the Fightin' Tedfords to 20, then USC's can probably do better than that. Butch takes Tommy's boys of Troy to win and cover.
Washington at Oregon State (-4)
Tommy: Wow, does Tommy not like this game. This Trojan did not like what he saw of Lyle Multiple-Vowel at the beginning of the season, but the Huskies are a truly bad football team, even when you factor in their beatdown over a great Stanford team. Tommy will hold his nose and take the Beavs because they play D and the Pups can't stop the run. Did You Get The License Plate For The Cardinal And Gold Truck That Hit Us Last Week?-28, It's Ty's Fault That Navy Owns Notre Dame-20.
Butch: Willie got his first conference win of the year last week thanks to the Trees' great admiration for Rankin and Bass holiday cartoons that they figured anybody sharing that name should be allowed to run freely about the Bay Area peninsula. That freedom will be quashed this week in Corvallis but Butch is similarly concerned about Lyle, Lyle the Non-Crocodile and feels the Hussies might be able to keep it within an Alexis Serna field goal's length but still lose. Butch takes the Hussies to cover.
Non-conference Noogies
TCU at BYU (-7.5)
Tommy: Tommy will grant Butch's wish to have a noogie west of the Mississippi. Has anyone been a bigger disappointment this season than the Horned Frogs? Get ready for a beatdown. Back To The Top Of The MWC-38, Never Good When You Expect It-17.
Butch: Woo-hoo! Finally, Butch doesn't have to get up early in the morning and wade through a sea of incomprehensible blather – now he can wait until the afternoon. Butch took a swig of nog, then re-arranged the schools' six letters and came up with BUT YUC, which, of course, translates to mean BYU to win and cover.
Air Force (-3) at Notre Dame
Tommy: Another service academy win over the Crying Irish? Not this time. The Middies need every play they made to win the game, and the Irish can't look past anyone any more. "I Don't Care About Snapping A 43 Game Winning Streak"-31, Go Army, Beat Navy So We Can Win The CIC Trophy-28.
Butch: The Leprechauns got lucky [naturally] when a converted snow shoveler played quarterback against them in the UCLA game and gave them their only win. As long as the Fly Boys keep their noses up, they will smell the sweet smell of success. Butch takes the Fly Boys to win and cover.
Kansas (-5.5) at Oklahoma State
Tommy: The Jayhawks in the national title hunt? HUH?! That's almost as big of a whopper as Kansas' coach. Velour has never been hotter in Lawrence, although Tommy's not sure that anyone should emulate someone that even Charlie Weis thinks is fat. Hawks win, Pokes cover. Don't Be Surprised To See 13 Wins-34, THAT'S GARBAGE!-31.
Butch: One Cowbell game is okay, two is over the line for November. Butch went with them last week but this week, it is too much to ask and he takes the Jayhawks to win and cover.
Last Week: 2-3
Overall: 26-32
Last Week: 3-2
Overall: 33-25
Non-Conference Noogies
Last Week: 1-0-2
Overall: 7-12-2
Last Week: 1-0-2
Overall: 10-9-2
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