There was no defiance of authority figures for Butch and Tommy last week as both milquetoasts went scampering along with 2-3 records in the Pac-10. Neither of us geniuses [they say genii is also plural but who can trust "them"?] were able to locate the Arizona upset of Wazzu on a prognosticating map and Tommy is suffering from Washington syndrome this year while Butch was completely unaware that Oregon State defensive linemen were pretending to be disrespected by Arizona State players in order to generate motivation in a letdown situation. That crafty rodentry fooled poor Butch. Needless to say, both of us missed the Cal game because, after he regained consciousness, the Bears were too busy patting Thomas Decoud on the back for "The Hit" that they forgot they were supposed to also stop UCLA from scoring points. Oh well, at least Butch is still above .500 and has the lead – which is the important thing – while Tommy, afraid of rejection, clings near his .500 record with the tenacity of a spurned wombat. This week's garbled garbanzos of gag reflexes…
Tommy: Well, Tommy would like to thank Butch's Cougs for making us both look stupid. Can't say we saw that coming. Shoot, Butch can put that egg that the Cougs laid in his nog. It's probably enough egg for a lot of nog. Moving along, it's time to try to pick a conference that is as easy to pin down as a greased pig.
Butch: Back to the lab to mess with more nog recipes – the one with reconstituted Belgian grandma rum fruitcake didn't work.
California (-13.5) at Arizona
Tommy: Look, I know the Bear defense didn't exactly rip it up against the Bruins, and I know the Cats just shocked WSU in Pullman, but come on. This really is a gimme. Pac-10 Leaders-35, We Still Own The Cougs-10.
Butch: Tedford has tossed two shutouts against Arizona in the last two years. They probably won't get the goose egg this year but they'll do much better than Wazzu did at stopping the run game. Butch takes the Bears to win and cover easily.
Stanford at Washington (-19)
Tommy: Stanford blows, but do they blow bad enough to lose by 20 points or more to a team that has lost five straight? Why, yes, they do. Who Said They Were A Bowl Team-30, Ban That Band Again-7.
Butch: The Trees are bending backward so often that people are beginning to mistake them for….oh wait, Butch has been informed he can't use that joke in this contest….well, Butch takes Washington to win and cover.
Oregon State (-1.5) at UCLA
Tommy: The Matt Moore Bowl, Part Deux takes place in Pasadena on Saturday. Strangely enough, this match-up looks similar to the one that the Bruins had with the Cougs. Experienced yet maligned quarterback coming through. Solid defense. Morbid Bruin offense. Sounds like another whoopin' waitin' to happen. Who Likes Hot Beavers-28, We Suck-17.
Butch: All this game needs is for Curtis Coker to claim the Bruin cheer guys were insulting him as they were practicing in pre-game warm-ups – what could be more Hollywood sequel than that? Butch takes the Beavers to win and cover.
WSU (-1) at Arizona State
Tommy: Sure, the Cougs lost to Arizona, but ASU hasn't beaten a solid conference opponent in two years. Besides, Koetter couldn't coach his way out of a wet paper bag. Tommy will take Butch's buddies on the road. Yeah, We Lost To Mike Stoops-28, Help, I'm Trapped In A Wet Paper Bag-20.
Butch: The Cougars' M.O. for most of the past two years has been – win on the road, lose at home – but now they're missing five points of their 25 point-per-game scoring average without Jason Hill and Michael Bumpus. It'll be close but Butch winces and takes the Sun Devils to win and cover.
Oregon at USC (-7.5)
Tommy: Woo, Tommy hates to do this. The Trojans haven't lost a game at home in over five years, and the Ducks have been hammered a couple of times this season, once by a team that lost to Arizona. (Sorry, Butch.) Still, Bellotti's defense has improved with health, and I needed to see more than 108 yards rushing against Stanford to feel confident in this game. So here goes nothing. Evil Nike Consortium-27, Good Guys-24.
Butch: The Nikes' weakness is defense, the Trojans' strength is defense. Tommy's boys of Troy covered last week for the first time since Pluto was not a planet – but that was against a collection of Trees – they get a chance to take the asterisk away this weekend. Butch takes Tommy's boys to win and cover.
Tommy's Non-Conference Noogies
Boise State (-13) at San Jose State
Tommy: Did ya notice that Dick Tomey has resurrected one of the worst programs in America, and that they could win the WAC? Let's not go that far, but the Blue Boys aren't has hot on the road as they are on the Technicolor Turf. Flying Zabranskies-34, Good Thing Arizona Let Tomey Go-24.
Butch: So everybody wants to know what ESPN2 cancelled the televised coverage of this game for – replays of the World Paintball Championship? The North American Cheer Guy Swinging Championship? The Oklahoma City Dog Show Invitational? Two guys sitting at a table picking their noses and flinging boogers at each other? What? Surely it must have been up to their usual high standards. Butch takes San Jose State to cover.
Nebraska (PK) at Texas A&M
Tommy: Tommy thinks that Big Red got a turnover laden wake up call in Stillwater, and the Ags sure put a lot into last week, only to come up short. Hangovers suck, even ones from nog. Can They Beat Texas-24, Ready To Crash And Burn-21.
Butch: Butch is suffering from Big 12 hangover – too many games from that overrated conference have now put Butch into that catatonic trance with the glazed eyeballs. Butch really, truly, does not care if both of these teams falls into the abyss and gets devoured by the Killer Rabbit. Really. Butch takes, aw, what the hell, Texas A&M, because they have an ampersand.
Arkansas (-5.5) at Tennessee
Tommy: Uh, hello, oddsmakers? Tennessee's losses by a combined four points. They're going to lose by at least six at home to a team that has feasted on cupcakes for most of the season. Um, no? Urgency kicks in, and Auburn fans rejoice. We Still Own Cal-28, SC Hung Half A Hundred On Us-27.
Butch: Well, the Moonshine Conference is a little better – but they complain too much about a stupid system their guy started! Butch is barely able to snort himself awake long enough to care about this one but he will take the Tennessee Hillbillies to win and cover over their Arkansas snaggle-toothed cousins.
Last Week: 2-3
Noogies Overall: 14-15-1
Last Week: 2-3
Noogies Overall: 12-16.5-1*
* Butch picked Notre Dame and Michigan to lose to each other in Week Four – so the professor says he gets half credit.
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