football Edit

Butch v. Tommy - Week 12

Image unavailable osqizb
Faced with sure elimination – and despite picking Notre Dame to win a football game - Tommy finally came through and made the contest a little more entertaining and got near to cresting the .500 "Tommy Line". But it is not time to crack the bubbly just yet. Tommy is still five games behind Butch with 12 games left to play and Tommy required both a late-arriving line [on the OSU-UW game] and an late-fourth quarter interception return for a touchdown to get his unblemished mark last week. Now, far be it from Butch to say that was lucky, so instead, he will just call it by its maiden name – fortunate. But either way, Butch is happy for Tommy because, frankly, it was getting boring beating up poor Tommy week after week in the Pac-10 and watch the angst develop when his boys of Troy fell by the national championship wayside and then, to make matters worse, watch Butch clean Tommy's Swiss clock in the Non-conference Noogie contest that was all his idea [then again, he helped by picking the Leprechauns to win last week – talk about easy pickin's for Butch!]. Plus – he lives in the Midwest now – with winter approaching. It has been a tough year for Tommy and Butch thinks he deserved a win and is glad he got it – just don't get any ideas about being the big hero this week, Tommy.
Tommy: Well, it isn't very often lately that Tommy puts a 0 in the L column, so let's all celebrate by having some more nog. After all, 'tis the season for drinking and lucky picks. The next couple weeks are as big for Tommy as they are for Bill Doba. Shall we commence, Senor Butchie?
Butch: Butch is proud of you, Tommy. First, for getting off the proverbial schneid, second for acknowledging the circumstances surrounding said schneid and third, for invoking the good name of nog. You're tops in Butchie's book…uh…except for in this contest, where Butch has to insist that you finish second.
Oregon (-12.5) at Arizona
Tommy: Tommy has an odd feeling about this game. Dixon is dinged up, and the Cats whipped the Ducks last season. Couldn't give ya a logical reason for this one other than that's a lot of points to give up on the road, but Tommy thinks Arizona's strength (passing) matches up well with Oregon's weakness (pass D). The Ducks continue their march to getting screwed by the Big 12 champ with a win, but Tommy takes the Cats ATS. Diamond Deck Is A Great Look This Season-38, Still No Bowl Game For You-31.
Butch: Well let ole Butch help you out there, Tommy. Last year's game had a bunch of turnovers helping Arizona, so as long as there are none of those pesky things, then Oregon should win, but it won't be easy and Butch sees the same type of close game Bellotti has had against Stoops before last year's anomaly. Butch takes Oregon to win but Arizona to cover the spread.
California (-7) at Washington
Tommy: This game worries the Skirted One. Jake Locker might end up playing, and the Bears are in disarray despite having the great Nate Longshore at quarterback. Seven points seems like a lot. Still, Tedford has owned the Huskies in Seattle, administering beatdowns left and right, and UW's defense is still mighty stinky. I'll go with the not so sturdy Golden Bears. Mr. Tedford, Please Pick Up The Courtesy Phone, The Reps From The Emerald Bowl Are On Line-31, Ty Misled Us Into Iraq-21.
Butch: No worries, mate – well, unless they bring out those 1975 "throw-up"…um, …throwback jerseys again – smooth move Ex-Lax, that trick didn't work on the game or the eyeballs. The Fightin' Tedfords are 5-0 and 4-1 ATS under their namesake against Washington since he has been there and no amount of tree-sitting can change those numerals. Besides, even if the fearsome Carl Bonnell winds up playing instead of the Golden Child, the Tedfords have seen that trick before – in last year's game. Butch takes the Tedfords to win and cover.
Oregon State at Wazzu (-2)
Tommy: Ah, Butch, rejoice, your boys are going to be one step closer to bowl eligibility. Lyle Multiple Vowel will likely still be the QB against your Cougs, and that will spell disaster for the Beavs, who look to be doomed to finish 6-6. We Can't Wait To Finish .500-28, .500 Will Be A Major Disappointment-20.
Butch: This game has "Beware: Dangerous Snake Pit Ahead!" written all over it in 10-foot-tall letters drawn by 15 bug-eyed monkeys in bright pink magic markers. The Beavers appear to be mortally wounded on both sides of the ball with Lyle, Lyle, the Non-Crocodile starting at quarterback and two defensive secondary stalwarts sitting out after slapping around a bunch over Hussies in heat [Butch sees nothing wrong with that – what is the world coming to when you can't slap around a Hussy? Clearly, the punishment did not fit the crime or "the glove does not fit, so you must acquit" the Beavers – where is Johnnie Cochran when you need him?]. But on the other hand, Wazzu has not won the game preceding the Apple Cup in the last three years and is 1-3 in "senior" games under Doba. Plus – OSU has that guy Serna. For these many scary-looking reasons, Butch will play it safe and take Wazzu to win but the Rodentry to cover.
Non-conference Noogies
Ohio State (-3.5) at Michigan
Tommy: Henne and Hart have never beat the Buckeyes, so this is the game that they pointed to all season when they decided to come back. It's for the Big Ten Title. Isn't this great, Butch? Not so much for Henne and Hart, who are both injured, and will be facing a miffed Buckeye team who coughed up a national title shot last week. Sure, the Wolves will be inspired by Lloyd Carr's impending retirement, but what Wolverine fan isn't? Guess what, boys? You'll never beat the Bucks. Tressel Owns Carr-35, Step Right Up, Les Miles?-27.
Butch: Those Poisonous Nuts are seriously – seriously – unimpressive. Fer cryin' in the mud, they could barely beat the Pac-10's last-place team! But at least they didn't lose to that last-place team, so they must be at least a single point better than a team that loses to a Division I-AA [Butch is on record as happily ignoring the NCAA's new ridiculous designation] team at home. Since Ahia State is getting a little more than three of those points, Butch is taking Big Boo-Hoo Blue to cover.
San Diego State at Air Force (-11)
Tommy: The Fly Boys are flying high because they knocked off a great Notre Dame team, but the Aztecs are playing good football right now. Tommy grants Butch's wish again of spotlighting a non Big 12 game west of the Mississippi, and a big one it is. Chuckie Long covers. We Own The Irish-31, We Own The Running Rebels-28.
Butch: You don't fool Butch, Tommy. Everybody knows you are merely biding your time while Notre Dame is on their bye week, so you can pick the Leprechauns to win against next week against the Trees. So, okay, Butch will play your little game and take the Aztecs to give Montezuma's revenge to the Fly Boys and cover.
Boston College (-7) at Clemson
Tommy: The winner advances to the ACC champ for the right to become the best team in the worst BCS conference. YAY! Hard to believe BC was #2 not long ago. It will be even harder to believe after Clemson gives them a whuppin. Clemson Fans Love Tommy Bowden-35, Time To Win Another Mid Tier Bowl Game Against A Mediocre Opponent-17.
Butch: Butch tells you what is harder to believe – that they showed the BC QB puking in that VT game a few weeks ago. Nobody needs to see that – especially Butch after he has been hitting the nog. Now that image is indelibly printed somewhere in Butch's brain. Just for that, Butch takes Clemson to cover.
Last Week: 4-0
Overall: 30-32
Last Week: 2-2
Overall: 35-27
Non-Conference Noogies
Last Week: 0-3
Overall: 7-15-2
Last Week: 2-1
Overall: 12-10-2
+++++++sponsored by Clark's Restaurant+++++++++
Attention COUGAR Fans! Autumn is here, now you're really hungry! How can you afford to go one day further without some tasty morsels from Clark's Restaurant in Grays Harbor – home of the Best Hamburger in Twin Harbors for eight consecutive years? Come in for the burger, fresh homemade fries and milkshakes concocted from homemade ice cream. Go ahead, we dare you to try and pass up more than 12 varieties of hamburgers to choose from, full dinners, lunch and full breakfast served daily. Clark's Restaurant 360.538.1487. Seven miles south of Aberdeen, Washington on Highway 101. Proud supporter of CougZone. Mention this ad for a free small hot chocolate.