football Edit

Butch v. Tommy - Week 14

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Well, it is all over in the Noogie division where Butch has clinched that consolation prize but due to the fact that Butch was hammered on nog or just plain brain-dead last week, Tommy is still in the race for the big Pac-10 predicting prize. Butch not only has allowed Tommy back into the race but Tommy is even on the verge of crossing over into uncharted territory – over the vaunted .500 "Tommy Line". Since there are not many times when Butch goes o-fer-everything including the kitchen sink, he feels safe in saying this was an aberration, but that hardly cuts the mustard. Only two picks were even close and the other two – Oregon and ASU - were wildly off in a field gallivanting around while the other teams were easily winning those games. Tommy had the presence of mind to see this [which makes Butch suspect he was nursing his nog…] and now, for the final week of the regular season, we can have the semblance of a contest.
Tommy: Tommy wants to congratulate Butch for beating on the silly Pups in Seattle. Nice work. Ye of little faith. Now it's time for the Furry Dude to start looking for the next guy who will struggle to recruit talent to that bleak western outpost near the border of Idaho. Yikes! Do the words "it's rollin', baby" mean anything to ya, my man? Well, fire up the strip clubs, it's time for Tommy to break .500.
Butch: Butch is not sure Tommy should be preaching about faith given some of his picks for his boys of Troy this year, but he will let that one go because there is no need to get the plankton all stirred up in the seawater when Tommy is on the verge of a momentous occasion – breaking the .500 "Tommy Line" for the first time in years.
UCLA at USC (-20)
Tommy: Ah, Tommy has been waiting for this one all season. Time to avenge a fluke. The Bruins defense will come to play, and they won't get steamrolled like our happy friends in Tempe, whom the FBI is questioning in a fraud investigation. But Tommy's boys have owned the Bruins at home, covering all four times in the Pete Carroll era with ease, and even covering Hackett's last try at the Coliseum. The Bruins better bring four more quarterbacks, because it's going to be ugly. Pac-10 Champs Yet Again-27, Tommy Won't Have Karl Dorrell To Kick Around Any More-0.
Butch: No argument here, Tommy. Your boy has not lost to the Bruins in the Coliseum and he is not about to start now. Butch takes Tommy's boys of Troy to win and cover.
Oregon State at Oregon (-4.5)
Tommy: The Civil War sponsored by Kaiser Permanente. Hope these two teams have good health insurance with all of these injuries. Tommy knows that the home team has dominated this game, but did ya see the QBs that the Ducks had to trot out against UCLA? Good luck with that against an Oregon State defense that is better than the Bruins'. Lyle Mulitple Vowel and the mighty Beavs snap (no offense to the injuries of Duck QBs) the streak of home wins in this rivalry. Holiday Bowl For Beavs?!-20, Oh What Might Have Been-14.
Butch: Man, Tommy, did you see that sheer cliff drop the Nikes have at the QB position last week in the Rose Bowl? Oh, yeah, guess you did. Far be it from Butch to disagree – he also knows full well about the home team's rolls in this series – and still takes the Rodentry to cover.
California (-13) at Stanford
Tommy: Butch hates double digit road spreads, but Tommy hates the Trees. They haven't covered in a month and a half, and took double digit beatings at the hands of OSU, UW, and WSU. Plus they lost at home to Notre Dame??????!!!!!!!!! That alone says go with the Bumbling Bears. If Tedford Is So Great, Why Is He 2-4 Against Mike Riley?-31, How Did This Team Beat SC?-10.
Butch: You know what is even worse than a double-digit road spread if your team is not named USC, Tommy? Double-digit road spreads in rivalry games! The Fightin' Tedfords lost to the last place Hussies on the road so how do you think they will fare against their basement bunkmate? Butch knows – poorly – and takes the Trees to cover.
Arizona at Arizona State (-7)
Tommy: HMMMMM. This line is a little scary. Sure the Cats have won three in a row, but they've won them against UW and two teams that couldn't keep a QB on the field. Meanwhile, the Sun Devils struggled to contain SC's short passing game, which is the strength of the Wildcats. Tommy thinks seven points is too many since the Sun Devils don't rush the passer and don't tackle very well, but methinks that Erickson still hands Angry Mikey his walking papers. Fiesta Bowl Here We Come-28, Maybe Mike Will Kill Livengood When He Gets Fired-24.
Butch: The Sun Devils' offensive line cannot pass block anybody – which is problematic if it is your team's intent is to score points and ultimately, win games. But they can run the ball reasonably well [59th in the country and better than Arizona can defend it against good teams, anyway] and they have won four of the last five in this series so, Butch will bite the cacti and take ASU to win and cover.
Washington at Hawai'i (-14)
Tommy: As if it's not bad enough that the Huskies lost at home to a reeling Washington State team, now they have to try to spoil Colt Brennan's BCS bowl aspirations. Tommy kind of thinks that this game won't be as easy as people think because Hawaii is not that good. However, the defense has improved to the point that it is enough of a threat to bury the Huskies under an avalanche of run and shoot. Tommy holds his nose and goes with the Bows. Boy Would It Be Funny If They Beat LSU-42, It's Ty's Fault That Washington's Program Is A Joke-24.
Butch: Butch readily admits that he has never seen Hawai'i play an entire game this year, because, you know, they play really late at night – well past Butch's beddy-time – and, as Butch is to understand it, on a different planet. But Butch has seen the Hussies' receivers trying to catch forward passes and their defensive secondary trying to prevent them – and that is pretty much all he needed to see in picking Hawai'i to win and cover.
Non-conference Noogies
Oklahoma (-3) vs. Missouri
Tommy: Tigers, #1 in the nation?????!!!!!! Who woulda thunk it? Maybe that's why Tommy is having such a sucky year against the spread. I'll tell ya what, Missouri had a good chance to beat the Sooners in Norman, and there's a whole lot at stake here. Tommy is rooting for the Sooners so that the Trojans can get a shot at Georgia and the SEC, but it ain't gonna happen. Ready for a Tiger-Mountaineer national title? WTF? How Did It Happen?-36, See Ya At The Cotton Bowl-30.
Butch: Nobody wants to see or hear whiny Oklahomans during college football season – this is something we can all agree on. Butch has no problem with Missouri if they can assist in pushing Oklahoma further away from everybody's earlobes and takes the Tigers to cover.
LSU (-7) at Tennessee
Tommy: Uh, has Vegas been watching the Tigers? They are 1-7-1 against the spread in their last nine, and their cover was against Louisiana Tech. They were dominated offensively by...Ole Miss. The Trojans had an injured QB to blame for their two losses. What was Les Miles' excuse? Oh, I forgot, they're the best 60 minute team in the land. Forget the fact that the two teams that beat them combined to go 5-9 in the SEC against the other conference teams. Tommy picks another upset. Fat Phil Wins SEC?-31, Miles Underachieves Again-28.
Butch: Butch is okay with all of that, Tommy. What he wants to know is – what was that Miles was saying again about the Pac-10 conference? Butch takes a mediocre bunch of hillbillies to put yet another smear on Miles' shiny smock and cover.
Virginia Tech (-5) vs. Boston College
Tommy: The Eagles had a great Cinderella season, but the glass slipper gets shattered here. The Hokies should have beat BC the first time, and now they have a healthy Tyrod Taylor, who will help the offense get untracked. Beamer's A Good Coach-24, Time To Win Another Mid Level Bowl-10.
Butch: Butch agrees with Tommy – VT should have beat BC the first time and then we could have been spared all that puking business. This time, it goes with the way it was supposed to the first time around and Butch picks VT to win and cover.
Last Week: 3-1
Overall: 33-33
Last Week: 0-4
Overall: 35-31
Non-Conference Noogies
Last Week: 1-2
Overall: 10-18-2
Last Week: 3-0
Overall: 16-12-2
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