Butch v. Tommy - Week Eight

With nowhere to go but up after the previous week when they celebrated Halloween a little early and things got scary as they both rolled out the big "O", Butch and Tommy got back above the equator last week – no thanks to Tommy's boys, who, evidently, steadfastly refuse to cover a line this year. Then there are the Fightin' Tedfords, who staunchly refuse to take on the conference favorite role. What are the B-and-T intelligentsia to make of such silliness? Well, for one thing, it is nog season and that aids in making any prognosticating improprieties go away quicker than they first appeared. Then there is the tangible fact that, no matter what happened last week – there is still Notre Dame losing again this week – unless, of course, they are playing UCLA, who have now secured themselves in college football history as the only Pac-10 team to lose to the Leprechauns in their worst season ever [Yes, we know they still have to play the Trees]. But that is all marshmallow and chocolate over the s'mores – now it is time to move on and see what primary neural damage Butch and Tommy can inflict upon an unsuspecting public this week.
Tommy: Well, Tommy doesn't know which end is up. Picking the Beavs to cover against Cal might have been a good bet, but to win? Yikes. Butch had a good line last week on his second favorite team: the Fighting Irish, which gave him the nod last week. Methinks that was the only pick that was different from Tommy's. Butch needs to look at Tommy's record before he follows Tommy's lead. At any rate, Tommy will be heading to South Bend this weekend, so here's a cavalcade of spread picks. I hope I don't go 1-6 in honor of the Irish. Tommy also picks the bye to cover against the Cougs.
Butch: Either the Rodentry was all hepped up on goofballs or the Fightin' Tedfords were sittin' in trees observing themselves play in the game in that weird transcendental meditation kind of way that relieves the stress of almost being #1 – either way, Butch and Tommy were the ones paying the price and slurping down the nog.
USC (-18.5) at Notre Dame
Tommy: Tommy has seen enough of these big spreads for a while. The Trojans are 2-5 against the number this year, and have not even come close the last three weeks. Notre Dame is playing their best football of the season, which means that they really suck instead of cataclysmically sucking. The Trojans will be conservative, and they don't cover on the road much in South Bend. Struggling Good Guys-17, The Appeasement Of Hitler Was Ty's Fault-3.
Butch: Well, this oughta be interesting. Tommy has finally turned against his boys at the "marquee" game [well, marquee game for the Leprechauns' Bottom 10 status] of the season while Butch thinks Pete Carroll's 6-2 record covering road spreads against non-conference opponents in the last five years looks pretty good. Who will be right – Turncoat Tommy or Butch? – an intriguing development, indeed. Butch takes Tommy's boys of Troy to win and cover.
California (-3.5) at UCLA
Tommy: Tommy got a call last night from a certain no personality coach. He said that he was hoping that Tommy would be available to back up at QB in case the Bruins keep losing QBs like flies. Tommy said no thanks. He knows a sinking ship when he sees one. Besides, Tommy's a smart guy, but not smart enough to learn the West Coast Offense in a week. Shoot, only Rhode Scholars play for UCLA, and they can't learn it in three years. He Slides, He's Out-35, Bruins in Ruins-17.
Butch: "Throw the ball! Throw the ball!" Those are the words that will forever ring throughout Berkeley on the sole occasion the Fightin' Tedfords had to be numero uno in the year of ultimate college football parity. Now that they have "Beared It", they will resume the delicate process of beating a Pac-10 opponent. Butch takes the Tedfords to win and cover.
Stanford at Arizona (-10)
Tommy: Tommy likes the Cats big time in this one. Stanford's gimmicky defense is tailor-made for Arizona's shotgun style, and the Trees are going to find it to be tough sledding against a solid Arizona defense. The anger management man's job is on the line, and he probably needs to four of the last five to keep it. Arizona's players will want to play hard to win the game, because if Stoopsy gone, who will yell at them? Even Russell Crowe Thinks Stoops Is A Hothead-38, TCU Is Better Than USC-10.
Butch: Butch thought Stanford had no chance – like, not even the proverbial 1% chance – of beating Tommy's boys two weeks ago. Then Tavita Pritchard happened. Now, Butch is not saying the Trees have re-planted themselves, but they have covered the last two weeks and the visitor has won this game the last six times out of seven – just sayin'…. Butch takes the Trees to cover again and possibly even win.
Oregon (-11) at Washington
Tommy: After a meteoric rise against Boise State and an awesome Syracuse team, the Huskies have fell back down to earth. Part of Tommy for some odd reason thinks that this will be a close game, but that part couldn't tell ya why. Tommy's going to avoid going with his gut, which is still hurting from the drinking he did two weekends ago, and pick our fine feathered friends to take care of business. X Boxes For Everyone-42, Any Playmakers Besides Locker-28.
Butch: If everybody was healthy for the Nikes, Butch would agree with Tommy, but two more of their "student-athletes" [Butch got a gander of that NCAA GSR last week] juked their joints out of shape because they were stunned at all the real estate the Cougar defense was making available to them last week [it is a buyer's market after all]. The Hussies claim to hate the Nikes more than life itself – well, segments of their hyped up fan base do, anyway – so Butch thinks the Hussies will cover that double digit road spread that he so abhors.
Non-conference Noogies
Texas A&M at Nebraska (-2)
Tommy: Call this the "Coaches On The Hot Seat Classic." Guess Osborne's temper tantrum could get Callahan rode out of town on a rail. Maybe Franchione can sell him some insider tips on where to find his next job. Fran should know. He'll be looking too. Tommy likes the Ags because Keller isn't their QB. What The Hell Does Gig 'em Mean-38, Osborne=Donald Trump-24.
Butch: Is this the Irrelevant Bowl already? Butch just loves those mild-mannered proud-of-Johnny Carson-Nebraskans, volleyball is ranked #1 but dang, if football isn't doing well –fire the AD! What would Carnac the Magnificent say? Sis Boom Bah, Butch takes A&M to sheepishly explode and cover.
Florida (-7) at Kentucky
Tommy: Tommy is surprised at this line. I guess Vegas feels that the general public believes that the Cats will let down. I wouldn't count on it. UK is 7-2-1 at home against number in their last ten, and 5-0 in their last five against UF. Tommy thinks the Gators will pull it out, but it will be a squeaker. What Happened To Tebow's Heisman-27, We Still Only Love Basketball-23.
Butch: Butch is going with Vegas on this one too, Tommy. Those Kentuckians can only pull so many rabbits out of their hats – plus, what is left to burn down in celebration if they win this too? Butch takes the Gators to chomp and cover.
Auburn at LSU (-11)
Tommy: Maybe people haven't noticed, but the Tigers of the purple and yellow variety haven't covered since the middle of September. The other Tigers have covered their last four. Add that the last three games have been decided by a total of eight points, and Tommy thinks that eleven is too many. Cajuns win, but no cover for you! We're The Tigers-13, We're The Tigers-9.
Butch: Tommy, dude, two SEC games you've saddled us with this week? C'mon, that makes Butch lower than a snakes belly in a wagon rut or ornery as a fried toad or something you would expect Jed Clampett to say. Having reached his SEC threshold level with the previous game, Butch is clabbering with indifference about this game, so he takes LSU to win and cover.
Last Week: 3-2
Overall: 21-23
Last Week: 3-2
Overall: 26-18
Non-Conference Noogies
Last Week: 1-2
Overall: 4-8
Last Week: 2-1
Overall: 6-6
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