While Butch was immersed in nog last week, Tommy took advantage by hitting his first Pac-10 trifecta in a month. Tommy finally got all the breaks in the same week as Stanford's quarterback got injured, Wazzu had 50 million opportunities to score and only got three points and his own boys of Troy nearly needed the Heimlich maneuver to avoid an embarrassing home defeat to Arizona State. Solid wins all the way around. Nice work, Tommy, glad you could join the party. It was getting lonely at the top for Butch and he had to resort to talking to himself, especially last week when Butch found himself indebted to the Beavers for saving him from a winless week – although there was plenty of nog to keep him company. This week, Tommy has a break from stress as his boys go back to the chalk board and try to figure out which team the quarterback is supposed to throw the ball to while he and Butch engage in witty banter. This week's dabblings in diminutive dementia…
Tommy: Hey, not a bad week for the skirted one. Tommy went 5-3 overall, crept back up to .500 in Pac-10 picks, and inched closer to Butch. If Oregon's punt returner could catch, it would have been a dominant weekend. Well, like my Trojans, I'll have to settle for ekeing them out instead of dominating. What say you, Butch?
Butch: Name brand nog, Tommy. Gotta go with the name brand nog next time. Butch was all caught up in the excitement of the nog season and acted like a sailor in a thong – whatever that means.
UCLA at Notre Dame (-13.5)
Tommy: Uh, as anyone noticed how much the Irish have struggled? They nearly dropped one to a bad MSU team, they barely won in Atlanta, they got killed by Michigan, and-"gasp"-they didn't cover against Stanford! Excuse me if I'm not impressed with the 34th best offense and the 69th best defense in the land. Domers win, Powders cover. Welcome To The Middle Of Nowhere-23, We're Already In The Middle Of Nowhere, 17.
Butch: You know all the Leprechauns are going to be sitting on the edge of their cute, tiny seats taking the word of a Trojan right, Tommy? Here's a little Leprechaun "magic" Tommy may have missed in the memo. The Leps are 2-0 against the spread after a bye week under Charlie Weis – does 12-point underdog against USC last year ring any bells, Tommy? UCLA, meanwhile, is only 2-2 ATS in the second game of back-to-back road trips under Dorrell [That Arizona shellacking last year ring any more bells, Tommy? All this and you know how fond Butch is of the Leprechauns]. Needless to say, Butch will be taking the Leps to win and cover.
Washington at California (-23)
Tommy: No Stanback might be a good thing, since he never was a quarterback. Not like it matters against Cal. The Huskies have called Tedford "Master" since he got to Berkeley. It won't be different this year. Master-38, Lowly Student-10.
Butch: Good to see that your dog did not eat your homework, Tommy. The Bears have not had to hit the snooze alarm against Washington recently – the big question this year is – will they break a sweat? Butch takes Cal to win and cover.
Stanford at Arizona State (-23)
Tommy: The Cardinal were bad enough with their best players. Now they've lost Bradford, Moore, and Edwards?! Yikes. Now T.C. Ostrander gets to be hammered every week. Congrats. If Arizona can beat you by 13, you're really bad. Mediocre-36, The Worst Pac-10 Team I've Ever Seen-9.
Butch: At least the Trees had a chance with Edwards, now they will be lucky to score points – and Butch doesn't mean the SAT. Butch takes ASU to win and cover for homecoming.
Oregon State (-2.5) at Arizona
Tommy: Fun times are over, Cats fans. Now that you've played Stanford, you'll be lucky to find two more wins this season. The Beavs ain't much, but they just whipped the Huskies. This ought to be a scintillating game. Reser Renovated To Match Texas High School Stadiums-17, When Does The Offensive Renovation Start?-9.
Butch: Even though it was an emotional win last week and a letdown seems looming and even though the Beavers have won four of the last five against Arizona, the Beavers saved Butch's butt last week so he owes them big time – here's the payback. Butch takes OSU to win and cover.
Oregon (-4) at WSU
Tommy: Butchie, you're going to love this one. Tommy thinks that the Quackers will be running into a team for only the second time all season that can exploit their average defense and slow their offense enough to win. That's right. You heard it here first. The Cougs stun the Ducks, and Butch drinks a bunch of egg nog to celebrate. Yay, Butch-38, Too Many Road Games-35.
Butch: Butch has news for ya, Tommy. Butch has been bathing in nog since last week. It might explain why he couldn't see straight. Maybe. Anyhoo, not only does Butch agree with Tommy but since Oregon has been, how shall Butch say this - "fortunate" - the last two years in Pullman, it won't be so "stunning." Butch takes Wazzu to win and cover.
Tommy's Non-Conference Noogies
Texas (-5.5) at Nebraska
Tommy: Big Red welcomes the Longhorns to Lincoln for the first truly big home game since the 2001 showdown with #2 Oklahoma. The bad news is that Texas owns the Huskers, and have better talent and coaching. Better luck next year, Red People. Contenders-24, Pretenders-10.
Butch: The Cornpones lost by 18 to Tommy's boys of Troy – and that's back when Tommy's boys were really clicking on all cylinders. Besides, the 'Pones will be loopy on cement mixers by the time Texas has sent in the reserves. Butch takes Texas to win and cover.
Alabama at Tennessee (-11)
Tommy: What an odd name for a rivalry: The Third Saturday in October. Could that be any more boring? How about something cool like Hatred, Murder, or We Kick The Other Team's Dogs? Even The Cocktail Party is better than that. BTW, Tennessee's happy that Cutcliffe is back, so Tommy takes the Vols to beat down the Tide, Cal style. Resurgent Team-38, Yesterday U-14.
Butch: If this is a rivalry, Tommy, then Butch is a transvestite aristocratic lifeguard in South Dakota – and we all know that can only occur in North Dakota. Alabama always thinks they're "all that" but Tennessee is not only "that", they are also "this" and the "other." Butch takes the Orange Juliuses to win and cover.
Georgia Tech at Clemson (-7.5)
Tommy: Am I the only one who thinks that the Jackets are being disrespected here. Tech is the only team in the ACC to be undefeated in conference play, and they've beaten Clemson twice in a row. The Tigers have been dominant at home, but their best opponent has been...North Carolina? I'll take the Tigers to win but the Jackets to cover. Will Bowden Finally Win Something-26, Will Gailey Choke Again-21.
Butch: Clemson is the most overrated team in the land besides Notre Dame – and that's a lofty pedestal to share. Butch follows his plan to always take Tech teams and takes Tech to win and cover.
Last Week: 3-2
Noogies Overall: 9-11-1
Last Week: 1-4
Noogies Overall: 9-10.5-1*
* Butch picked Notre Dame and Michigan to lose to each other in Week Four – so the professor says he gets half credit.
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