Butch v. Tommy - Week Five

Things were getting a little tight during the first two weeks at Butch v. Tommy headquarters. Just like that way it is when the idiosyncrasies of a new roommate begin to emerge – like the way he spreads peanut butter on his bread or the way he makes that little clicking noise when he reads or the way he lets his Victoria's Secret underwear hang on the shower rail or…wait a minute. Well, you know what Butch means. So there was Tommy, hanging close to Butch during the last two weeks, never letting Butch out of his sight and it was beginning to get a little creepy so Butch decided to take some decisive action – he was going to pick a Pac-10 football team not named USC to beat a non-conference opponent. In fact, on order to get some distance on Tommy, he was going to pick three Pac-10 teams to beat non-conference opponents! Butch even went overboard and picked UCLA to win a conference game. Hey, Butch was desperate. Well, that sure did the trick though – now Tommy is nowhere in sight!
Tommy: Well, Tommy didn't set the world on fire last week, but Butch might as well set his house on fire if he went to Vegas with those picks. Welcome to life below the "Tommy Line", Butch. Well, there's always next week, and that's a good thing for all involved. On to Week Five, where we have a lovely plethora of games to pick wrong.
Butch: What's that, Tommy? Were you saying something? You are too far away for Butch to hear what you are saying. Well at least you can't peak inside Butch's shower curtain any longer.
USC (-24.5) at Oregon State
Tommy: On paper, this is a Beaver skinning, but Tommy's Trojans ain't so hot on the road in conference the first time out to the tune of 2-5 against the number, and it doesn't matter how bad the team is. Tommy hopes he's wrong, but when it comes to his Trojans, he rarely is. Good Guys-30, What The Hell Is A Moevao?-20.
Butch: You did your homework, Tommy! The dog did not eat it and Butch is in full agreement with you. Mike Riley has only two ATS wins in the last five years as the home underdog and Butch will give you one guess who those wins were against. Butch takes Tommy's boys of Troy to win – of course – but the Rodentry to cover.
Fresno State (-6.5) at UCLA
Tommy: That's right, the mighty Bruins are nearly a touchdown dog at home to...Fresno State? Tommy said all along that the Powders were going to take a beating this year even as he picked them to give Tennessee a struggle. The struggles will continue against a team whose defensive stats look worse than they are because they have played Rutgers and Wisconsin and a double overtime game. Pat Hill Is A Jackass-24, Even Chow Can't Fix This-13.
Butch: Once again Butch agrees with Tommy on both the prediction and the Hill-part. FSU has been sporadic in their road covers over the last five years but after watching UCLA the last two weeks, Butch feels slightly better about picking FSU to win and cover.
Colorado State at California (-25)
Tommy: Sure, it's a lot of points for a team that crapped the bed against mighty Maryland in its last outing, but Tommy believes in the magic that is Jeff Tedford. Well, not really, but it's Colorado State. If you can't dole out a whopping against this team at home after an embarrassing performance, then you might as well forfeit the the Bears did down the stretch in 2007. Tommy pinches his nostrils together and chooses the Bears even though the MWC owns the Pac-10. Yes, We Lost To Maryland-42, We Miss Sonny-13.
Butch: Tommy - Butch did that Pac-10 gig last week and look where it got him? A place at the end of the counter and a plate of day-old spam. Butch will eat week-old spam before he takes another Pac-10 to cover against the mighty MWC. Butch takes the Rams and the 25 points to cover against the Fighting Tedfords.
Oregon (-19.5) at Wazzu
Tommy: Speaking of crapping the bed, that's what the Skirted One would do if he called signals for the Ducks. It's like the time at band camp when everyone got syphilis. Too much XBox in the locker room and not enough time in the weight room for my fowl friends. Can Marshall Lobbestael return Butch's Cougs to glory against the decimated Ducks? Uh, no. WSU is going to have to knock out a few more QBs to cover, and you can't hurt a QB if you can't touch him. Wussies-45, The "L" Word-21.
Butch: Bellotti is 0-2 as the favorite at Pullman in the last five years and as shown in The Telepathic Tabernacle, Wazzu is 6-3 ATS in the last 12 years when they are a large home underdog which, of course, they are this Saturday. Butch takes Wazzu to cover.
Stanford at Washington (-3.5)
Tommy: The Huskies? A favorite? Well, yeah. The Trees have been brutal on the road this season, making Arizona State look like a powerhouse. Harbaugh's blitz du jour scheme is not a good look against a spread team with a QB who can run. That's why the Huskies torched the Cardinal on the ground last season. Stanford's offense sucks, period. That's Right, I'm Picking The Huskies-31, Welcome Back To Reality, Trees-20.
Butch: Willingham is 1-0 against Harbaugh – and that was at the Farm with last year's juggernaut 4-9 team. The Trees barely knew the way to San Jose last week, so Butch sees the Hussies with the win and the cover.
Non-Conference Noogies
Alabama at Georgia (-6.5)
Tommy: Most of the Dawgs losses have come at home against SEC schools, and the Tide is out for blood after being terrible for over a decade. Dawgs choke as usual. Toothless Hicks-17, Should Have Annihilated ASU-14.
Butch: The SEC? Whatever. Butch would normally take Georgia because they grow peaches there and Butch likes them peaches, but they are also one of the colonies that made Thomas Jefferson take out the part about slavery in the Declaration of Independence or they wouldn't sign and Alabama – whoa – let's not get started on them and cotton. So, a quandary…hmmmm…Butch takes them both to get stuck in the mud and tie.
North Carolina at Miami (-7.5)
Tommy: Butch Davis Bowl II is in full effect. The Canes think they're back because they whipped and A&M, and only got a mild butt kicking by the Gators. Welcome back to reality, just like the Noles. Should Have Beat VT-13, Poorly Coached-10.
Butch: North Carolina – now, see, they did not worry about T-Jeff's slavery paragraph because they were too busy counting all the money they were going to make from that wacky tobacky. Butch takes those Tar Heels to cover.
Colorado at Florida State (-6)
Tommy: "This is Division I football! It's the Big 12!" Ah, Tommy loves the insane rantings of Dan Hawkins. It's almost a bizarro world concept from such a mild mannered man. I'm still basking in the glow of that tirade, so I'll pick the Buffs to upset the perenially underachieving Noles. "Brother!"-19, Dadgummit, We Suck – 17.
Butch: In honor of Colorado being the first non-con noogie team Tommy has selected to come from west of the Mississippi, Butch both agrees with Tommy on Hawkins' insanity and takes the Buffs to cover.
Last Week: 3-1
Overall: 17-10
Last Week: 1-3
Overall: 13-14
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