Butch v. Tommy - Week Four

Butch is on the verge of filing a restraining order because he notices Tommy keeps hanging around, stalking him – this is the second week in a row he has noticed Tommy hanging out down by the gym hoping to either get tickets to the Village People show in Vegas or a glance at Butch's selections for the week. In the second week of the season, Tommy tied Butch with Oregon needing to score all 66 of their points to erase that pesky 35.5-point margin Utah State was toting into the game in a satchel. Then last week, it was the Nikes again saving Tommy's skin when they covered the six-point line it had been earlier in the week but not the seven point line Tommy had conveniently picked by the end of the week. Butch thinks Tommy ought to send Uncle Phil some money – because he needs it to buy some love for his new hoop arena project – as a sign of gratitude in keeping him both even with Butch and above .500 [the "Tommy Line"] for two consecutive weeks. So Tommy has now resorted to his old standby – the non-conference noogies – to try and distract Butch from the Pac-10 prize.
Tommy: Wow. The Pac-10 is brilliant. 0-4 against the Mountain West Conference? A loss at home to UNLV? Losing to 0-2 New Mexico? Losing by 59 to a team that barely beat the Huskies? Not to mention the bed-wetting that the Golden Bears did on the East Coast when they probably would have been better off staying in the bed...wet or not. Well, it's a good thing Los Nikes showed some gumption in West Lafayette, and that Tommy's Trojans, as usual, made up for the deficiencies of the conference by blowing out a top team. After last week, Tommy and Butch will take .500 and like it.
Butch: Who you callin' a top team? THE Ahia State? Butch thinks not. Yes…the Nikes – Tommy's new favorite playground pals. More butter for the roll, Tommy?
Arizona (-1) at UCLA
Tommy: You know things are ugly when you're an underdog at home to a team that just lost to New Mexico. That's where the Powders stand right now. Los Lobos beat Angry Stoops' Cats by running the ball. The Bruins can't do that with a patchwork line and the mighty Chane Moline at tailback. Meanwhile, the vaunted defensive coordinator, DeWayne Walker, spent last week getting carved up by a spread offense...which the Kitties employ as well. Hope the Bruins enjoyed that Tennessee win. It could be their only one until Butch's Cougs invade Westwood. Better Than The Bruins, But Not New Mexico-36, 59-0? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!-20.
Butch: Your reverse karma did not work last week Tommy and now, sadly, predictably, you are bitter toward the "Blew-ins". The loss even scared head coach Rick Neuheisel as he missed this week's Pac-10 conference call because his people could not find in which corner he had curled himself into a fetal position. It really was no surprise what the Mormons were able to do and since they are better than Arizona, this is why UCLA will cover – well, that and the fact that the Wildcats' schedule consists of Idaho, Toledo and New Mexico with a grand total of three wins amongst them. Butch takes UCLA win and cover.
Boise State at Oregon (-11.5)
Tommy: The Ducks are down to their second string QB, and yet are favored by double digits over a team that has only lost 10 games in the last five years? Actually, yes. When two of those losses have come in Pac-10 stadiums in Corvallis and (gasp) Seattle, then it's no wonder that there's a "fowl" smell coming from Vegas. Add a mediocre offensive showing by the Broncos against Bowling Green, and Oregon's ability to pull away from the Huskies without Roper, and Tommy smells what Vegas is cooking. Shocking That a Beanpole Who Has No Speed Running A Spread Option Has Already Been Hurt Twice-40, The Glory Days Are Gone-20.
Butch: Tommy is smart enough not to bite the swooshy hand that has fed him the last two weeks and his new playground pals, the Nikes, are certainly in no mood to be losing to the Blue Field Bozos – especially when they are 5-0 straight up and 4-1 against the spread in the last five years in their second home game of the year. Butch likes those numerals and takes the Nikes to win and cover.
Georgia (-7) at Arizona State
Tommy: I know what you're thinking. The last time an SEC team showed up in Tempe, they won by the skin of their teeth. Well, that Scum Devil team had an offensive line. 117 rushing yards per game against a cavalcade of cupcakes isn't gonna scare the Dawgs, and neither is a team that moves the ball almost exclusively through the air. Ask Colt Brennan and the Bows. As much as Tommy would love to see the SEC squirm, it's beatdown time for Erickson and his squad, with road trips to Strawberry Canyon and the Coliseum on the horizon. Yikes! Good, But Not As Good As SC-31, Wake Me When They Beat Someone Good-13.
Butch: Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. Did you miss the memo again? How does a Dennis Erickson-coached team respond to a blowout loss while he has been at Tempe? According to last year's results – with wins [Butch is stunned that you do not recall this, Tommy, since one of those blowout losses came to your boys of Troy]. Couple that with the fact that Georgia - like most SEC teams, we know - is horrible on the road in the last five years and Erickson has the Peaches right where he wants 'em and he's gonna shake their tree. Butch takes the Sun Devilinas to win and cover.
San Jose State at Stanford (-9.5)
Tommy: Jim Harbaugh owns the Spartans (and the Trojans). The Cardinal aren't winning any beauty pageants currently, but they've got enough to handle Dick Tomey after whipping them by 37 last season. Still Tied For First In The Pac-10-38, Still Boring-10.
Butch: The score might be closer this year – but the result will be the same and Butch agrees with Tommy and takes the Trees to win and cover in this evening snoozer.
Non-Conference Noogies
LSU (-3) at Auburn
Tommy: Butch loves picking SEC games. In this series, the Tiger at home is the winner eight years running. That means the toothless and soapless Cajuns are in big trouble, especially with a QB who was on Harvard's JV team. Tuberville's Tigers-6, Two Loss National Champs Is Good For An Asterisk-3.
Butch: Butch dislikes the SEC because it is the source of the idea that became the evil BCS Taliban, which continues to drag college football down, down, down the drain and, consequently, could care less about either of these schools. Butch takes them to tie 0-0. Oh, can't do that any more? Okay, whatever. Butch takes Auburn to win 3-2 again.
Notre Dame at Michigan State (-8.5)
Tommy: The Irish are back, and the world is trembling in their boots. After a great showing against upstart San Diego State and a brutal domination over elite power Michigan, many may be thinking BCS for the Irish. The expose starts this week. Sparty-31, Return To Glory, Take Twenty-10.
Butch: The only school Butch cares even less about than the SEC – the greedy Leprechauns. Nice daily double, Tommy. Butch takes the Leps to lose just because they are greedy little green men with no more gold at the ends of their rainbows.
Florida (-7.5) at Tennessee
Tommy: Tommy need say only one thing...the Vols lost to the Bruins. Chompers-38, Fat Phil Fired?-22.
Butch: Cripes, Tommy – another SEC snoozer? One, plus the Leps, is not enough for you? Butch takes the Gators to win, oh, let's see, how 'bout 59-0? That sounds about right.
Last Week: 5-5
Overall: 14-9
Last Week: 5-5
Overall: 12-11
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