Butch v. Tommy - Week Nine

The "horror" has finally occurred. Tommy has virtually clinched the 2008 BvT trophy [one more week oughta do the trick] and even worse, Butch has sunk to new lows – two games below the .500 "Tommy Line" after last week's abomination of picks. Two games! Butch tried to think of something funny to laugh it off but that is not even funny. It is like having to take just plain yogurt in a Vegas casino buffet – it is that bad. It did not look good out of the gate as USC did what they had to do against Wazzu and made it the first time Pete Carroll has ever covered a 40+ point spread since he has been the head coach in Troy. Then, as if further demoralization was required Butch nailed – absolutely nailed to a wall – the UCLA/Stanford game saying, and Butch quotes himself: "UCLA may be able to squeak this one out". Unfortunately, while that was true, Butch also picked the Trees to cover – which they missed doing so by a scrawny half-point. Butch was not even close on the OSU/UW game, but neither was Tommy and Butch managed to salvage a win with the Wildcat mini-upset over Cal [which Tommy missed]. In short, Tommy was giving Butch the opportunities and has been doing so for weeks, but Butch is unable to take advantage of them. This week, the culprit is nog – Butch was way loopy on nog and it shows in his picks but those other weeks? Bad upbringing. Butch once knocked on a door and ran away from the house before the person could answer. Yep, it's true. A long time ago, Butch also played a supporting role in an event where toilet paper somehow made got tangled up in a tree at an unnamed person's house. Butch hangs his head in shame [even if that person did deserve it]. But Butch still picked UCLA to squeak out a win, dammit!
Tommy: Well off we go again. Not a great week for ol Tommy last week, but Butch had another taste below the Tommy line at 1-3. Ouch. Butch, for the sake of you and those around you, please stop picking the Cougs to cover. It's time for a spread picking intervention. You're a junkie, and you need serious help. It's too bad WSU didn't have the rivalry game with Idaho this season. That could have been interesting.
Butch: We are off the hook this week because Wazzu can cover against bye – but it is a different matter – entirely – with the nog. Butch is hitting that and hitting it hard [and he does not care if it hits back…in fact, he wants it to]. Maybe it will take the sting out of being under the "Tommy Line.
UCLA at California (-18)
Tommy: Hmmm, this whole Longshore thing is reminding Tommy a lot of last season. After the game with the junior bears, the real Bears have to play Oregon, SC, and Oregon State consecutively. That's a little scary. A collapse just might come. But it's going to have to be put off till next week, because the Bruins might not win a road game all season. Still, the Bears have failed to cover in their last three against the Tools of Westwood, and Neu's squad gave the Ducks a contest in Autzen. That's why the Great One who has an eight game lead will go with the underdog to cover. Pride Cometh Before The Fall-26, People Who Wear Powder Blue Have No Pride-17.
Butch: That is probably a good bet, Tommy. The problem Butch has with it are threefold – first, the Bruins are winless on the road; second, Cal is better than Oregon and third, the nog is talking and it says to take the Fighting Tedfords even though they play like little French schoolgirls at home whenever they are overwhelming favorites. So Butch listens to the nog and takes the Tedfords to win and cover.
Notre Dame (-11.5) at Washington
Tommy: After last week, even with Tyrone Bowl going on this week, Tommy can't go with the Hussies. They've embarrassed themselves and their families so far this season, and Willingham is making Chuckie Weis look like a great coach. The Irish pass them into oblivion. Green Dudes Who Advocate Violence-36, Purple Dudes Who Are Soft-13.
Butch: Tie. Butch says tie. Okay, Butch knows he has to pick a winner here but this is truly a no-win situation if there ever was one – well, except for that BYU-UW game earlier [if BYU plays Notre Dame, that would be another one]. Butch hates taking the greedy Leprechauns to do anything but go far, far away to the outer reaches of the solar system and get hit by a comet. But if he has to pick a winner here, okay, Butch takes the Leps to win and cover [but he does not like it, nosirreebobcattail, not one bit].
USC (-15.5) at Arizona
Tommy: Even after a win over Cal, Tommy's not buying what the Kitties are sellin'. They gave up a ton of yards to the Golden Chokers, and an all out blitz scheme against SC would be playing right to the Trojans' strength. It's time for ol' Stoopsy to be angrily berating officials and his own players once again, although for the first time all season, the Skirted One thinks that his job is safe barring complete and total collapse. Good Guys-38, Secure Employment But Still Crazy-10.
Butch: Butch will not be crying any tears if he is wrong on this one but the only loss Tommy's boys of Troy have had this season came on the road in the Pac-10 in front of a crowd of lunatics dressed all in the same color [what would Mr. Blackwell say – especially now that he is dead?] as Butch expects them to be dressed Saturday evening. Your boy Pete was nice to Wazzu last week and Butch would like to return the favor but he is only 2-3 ATS against Stoopsy and those came in the last three games they have played. Even with a vat of nog by his side this week, Butch is not crazy – he still takes Tommy's boys of Troy to win the game, but thinks Arizona will cover.
Oregon at Arizona State (-4)
Tommy: Tommy smells an upset. Carpenter is going to be healthy, and it will be tough for the Ducks to just roll over the Hot Ones without a balanced attack, which they don't have with that guy Masoli at QB. You know...they guy who said that the Ducks beat themselves after SC put a 34 point beatdown on them. Teams are a reflection of their coach. Erickson: Why Did I Leave Miami?-31, Bellotti-I'm Lying When I Say That SC Offered Me Their Job-28.
Butch: Tommy, look, the Sun Devilinas got an extra week to prepare and they still could not win against Cal nor, a week later, score against your boys. They will score against the Nikes but Bellotti beat Erickson last year and he owns ASU. Butch takes the Nikes to win and cover.
Non-Conference Noogies
Oklahoma State at Texas (-12.5)
Tommy: Tommy's going to learn his lesson from last week and pick the Horns over another soft Big 12 North team that's all offense and no defense. Real Elite Team-45, Fake Elite Team-20.
Butch: Don't get Butch wrong – he does not think they will win this game – but OK State has a man coaching them and he's 41 now – all grown up! Well, he still does not know how to use that internet thingymabob, but Butch takes OK State to cover.
Georgia at LSU (-2.5)
Tommy: You've got Dawgs getting arrested and Tigers pulling wins out of a hat. Sounds like last year. Tommy's rootin' for the Dawgs because he hates LSU fan with the kind of passion that leads to revolution, but head should always win over heart. Please Beat Bama-17, Always A Bridesmaid-13.
Butch: SEC? Tie. Unless they both get stuck in a giant beignet.
Penn State (-2) at Ohio State
Tommy: Lions, welcome to the wonderful world of the spotlight. The Bucks have been here for a while. The Nits are a better team than last year, but this is their first true test, and they're gonna fail it thanks to a strong Buck defense and the exploits of your Terrelle Pryor. Yes, They're Going To Win The Big Ten Yet Again-25, Good, But Not Good Enough-22.
Butch: Old Man Paterno has a bad hip and is beginning to get used to the press box food buffet table so Butch picks the Poisonous Nuts to win and cover.
Last Week: 2-2
Overall: 30-16
Last Week: 1-3
Overall: 22-24
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