Butch v. Tommy - Week Six

Butch and Tommy got caught celebrating New Year's Eve a little early last week. After both going 4-1 the previous week, Butch broke out the champagne and Tommy broke out the glasses and the next thing we knew, the bubbles were talking and they were using an unfamiliar deep, testosterone-laden voice. Odd, they had never used that tone of voice before…then we discovered it was Karl Dorrell using one of those voice-changers you see in the toy department at the grocery store. It was him that had told us to pick Oregon State! No wonder that champagne tasted funny! Well, that crafty Dorrell got what he wanted and Butch and Tommy took the brunt of the broom stick for the week. But now everything is back to normal except we have to fight off last week's hangover and Dorrell gets off easy and has Notre Dame. Life is so not fair.
Tommy: Boy, is Tommy disappointed. If his beloved Trojans would have played their "C" game against the hapless Huskies, they would have covered. Meanwhile, the Barkrats pulled one of the great El Foldos of all time against the mighty Bruins. I think Mike Riley programs his robots to turn over the ball as much as they against the Bruins. Hope none of you sold your house and went to Vegas to bet on Florida, like Butch said you should. And Butch's Cougs? Let's not talk about them, other than to say that the Bill Doba farewell tour may depend on the last three games of the season against the other struggling Pac-10 teams. I guess we'll saddle up and try again.
Butch: That just shows you how nefarious Dorrell was – he wanted Tommy to sell his house and move to Vegas so he could handle his recruiting for him – and, you know, keep an eye on that San Diego job.
Arizona at Oregon State (-4)
Tommy: Bad news for the Beavos. Arizona's defense is pretty good too, and the Cats are improving on offense. Or at least cashing in on the Cougs' defense. This game won't be pretty by any stretch, especially for OSU, who is staring down the barrel of 2-4 with road games at Cal, USC, and Oregon yet to come. Ouch. We Won, But Mike's Still Mad-17, The Masters Of The Costly Turnover-14.
Butch: Stoops passed a kidney stone just to get the win last week so you know how desperate he was – but no need for desperation tactics this week – the road team has won the last three in this series. Butch takes Arizona to cover.
Arizona State (-8.5) at Wazzu
Tommy: Well, this is interesting. Butch's Cougs have one of America's worst defenses. If you don't believe me, ask Mike Stoops. His teams hadn't scored that many points in a conference game since a DeWayne Walker-less UCLA team strolled into Tucson. The Cougs' only hope is that they are just that much better at home than on the road, but with the way Idaho played on offense in Pullman, Tommy doubts it. Maybe the Cougs will have a chance to avoid a loss on October 20. Maybe not considering the way they are playing now. Still Waiting For A Good Opponent-42, No Talent-24.
Butch: Groan. Butch is expecting Wazzu to play tough in the first half and if the Homecoming crowd sticks around at halftime, they might give the team a moral boost and the Cougars might give ASU a run for their money. If the crowd bails, so will the Cougars. It could be close or it could get out of hand – it's a game-day call – but Butch has to go with the numbers [Doba is 2-3 as the home underdog] and takes ASU to win and cover.
Stanford at USC (-39)
Tommy: Boy, that's a big number. And it comes in a week where the Trojan OL is reeling and they face a Stanford defense that, well, sucks, but they do get after the quarterback. Still, it's a home game for the Trojans, and the Cardinal are terrible on both sides of the ball. Tommy will close his eyes, grit his teeth, and hope the real Trojans show up. Good Guys-45, Good Grades-3.
Butch: Butch has just one thing to say about this game and it is – Tavita Pritchard, welcome to Pac-10 football. Butch takes Tommy's boys of Troy to win and cover.
Notre Dame at UCLA (-20.5)
Tommy: Time to wake up the echo-cardiograms and shake down the blunders for Fighting Irish fans. This team stinks out loud. The scary part is that UCLA might be the best team that ND has faced. The last time Weis faced a defense nearly as good as UCLA's, Georgia Tech was holding them to 3 points and -8 rushing yards. This one will be ugly. How Did They Get Destroyed By Utah?-35, Only 0-6 Coach With A Shiny Super Bowl Ring In The Press Conferences-0.
Butch: The national schadenfreude that is piling up against Notre Dame this year is off the charts – it is a good thing the Leprechauns have NBC bamboozled with that television contract. The numbers are not really necessary in this game but as a formality, Dorrell is 8-1 SU and 5-3-1 ATS against non-conference opponents at home under his reign of terror. Butch takes UCLA to win and cover.
Non-conference Noogies
Oklahoma (-10.5) vs. Texas
Tommy: Talk about getting taken down a few notches. Both of these teams embarrassed themselves last weekend, but Bevo looked especially like taco meat. I think the best way to put it is that Texas is soft, and leave it at that. We Were The Most Impressive Team For Four Games And Three Quarters-42, Bigger Frauds Than Those Nigerian E-Mails-13.
Butch: Well, Tommy, this game has not been close since forever but the Okies are not going to cover a double-digit spread against Texas or Butch's name ain't Dolly Parton. Butch takes Texas to cover.
Nebraska at Missouri (-6.5)
Tommy: The Tigers have been pointing to this game all season long, and it should be pretty funny watching Bill Callahan wince while the #5 rated offense in the country tears through the Blackshirts like a hot knife through butter. Looks like the Corn will get popped. Maybe Close Wins Over Illinois Aren't So Bad-42, Close Wins Over Ball State Definitely Are-21.
Butch: Looks like the Tigers always beat Nebraska 41-24 when they play in Columbia since most of the members of these two teams have been around, so who is Butch to argue with tradition? Butch takes Mizzou to win and cover.
Georgia at Tennessee (-2)
Tommy: The Dawgs are road warriors, and last I checked, there is no D in Tennessee. Stafford Likes To Drink-28, Fullmer Likes To Eat-24.
Butch: …and that's not all they are missing down there. Butch takes UGA to win and cover.
Last Week: 2-3
Overall: 18-17
Last Week: 2-3
Overall: 23-12
Non-Conference Noogies
Last Week: 0-3
Overall: 2-4
Last Week: 1-2
Overall: 2-4
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