Butch v. Tommy - Week Three

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Everything was returned to its rightful place in the order of the universe last week as Butch regained his prognosticating form and Tommy's luck ran out to combine for the familiar results at the end of the week showing Butch ahead. In fact, if Butch hadn't allowed Tommy to talk him into that Cal/Colorado State pick [Butch felt the girdle of uncertainty gingerly pressing his spleen and doing strange things to his loins, leading him to believe Tommy must have retrieved his Big 11 voodoo doll from the septic tank] there would have been a nice skunk residing at the bottom of the page this week. Ah well, 6-1 is not bad, now Butch can practice playing cricket while he waits to see what Tommy has up his wily Midwestern sleeve.
Tommy: Congrats, Butch. That was quite a week. I would like to personally thank the dirty hippies from Cal for giving up right after it looked like Jahvid Best had locked up a cover, and I would like to thank Max Hall for coughing one up against the Bruins. Nah, Tommy isn't bitter. He just hates losers like Cal and BYU. Darn losers.
Butch: As long as the Oscars have started early and we are thanking people, Butch would like to thank Michigan for making him look like a genius and the Academy for presenting him with the best foreign language prediction column award. But most of all, Butch would like to thank the Wolverines, who looked deep within their Big 11 souls and found it in themselves to cough up a supreme hairball for Butch. Also, Butch would like to thank all the floating plankton out there for being such a powerful force in his prognosticating. And to the scruffy guy on the corner who told Butch to take UCLA and give him a buck for a beer. And finally, to Vegas – Butch couldn't have done it without you!
Fresno State at Oregon (-16.5)
Tommy: Sure, this looks like a blowout at face value. The Ducks just destroyed mighty Michigan in Ann Arbor, and Texas A&M ran for over 300 yards against Pat Hill, who actually looks like a Bulldog. Still, Tommy is leery of the Duckie D, which still looked like #2 until Chad Henne went down. This will be a fun game to watch, and Tommy says that Fresneck covers. Belotti Owns Carr (But Not Riley)-45, Anytime, Anyplace, Anywhere (Except For Big WAC Games)-31.
Butch: Tommy did not pay attention to the numbers last week with the Nikes and that bit him in the scrotum, but the numbers, ay, they be a little murkier this week. Even though they caught a break when the Nike mascot was suspended for the game [can the Pac-10 get the same break and have him suspended for all their games too, Hansen? After all, the non-conference foes shouldn't get all the perks…], Fresno does not reliably cover a week after their big road games that Hill likes to schedule for them. It could be close but Butch takes the Nikes to win and cover.
Ohio State (-4.5) at Washington
Tommy: Tommy thinks he smells a little fear from Butchie. For the first time since the Weasel roamed the sidelines, the Huskies have got a team. Willingham's guys bottled up the potent Boise attack, and methinks that Ohio State is ripe after that 3-2 first performance against Akron, in which Tressel drove in two with a third inning double. Husky fans are starting to get excited, and you know how things go for teams who travel west. Back?-17, Still The Best In The Big Ten?-13.
Butch: Fer cryin' in the mud, the Big 11 is lame so far this year. How lame can they go? We should know after this game. If the Poisonous Nuts [some people prefer to call them Jethros] from Ohio cannot dispatch a bunch of Hussies in heat, we will officially know the conference is burnt toast for the year. Butch takes "Ahia State" to win and cover.
Louisiana Tech at California (-33.5)
Tommy: Boy, what's a skirted prognosticator to do? Cal's defense looked terrible against CSU, and the Techsters took the Rainbows to the brink. Never fear. La Tech was 1-7 against the number on the road last year, and the Bears are solid at home. Still, Tommy has a feeling he'll be sweating this one out. Losers-44, Champion-10.
Butch: Butch is sure glad you brought up that numbers racket, Tommy, because the numbers Butch was looking at say the Fightin' Tedfords have been favored by more than four touchdowns only four times since their namesake has been the head coach and guess what the numbers say? 0-4 ATS. Butch takes Cal to win but La. Tech to cover.
UCLA (-13) at Utah
Tommy: Will the curse of the road strike again, as it did to Cal? Tommy doesn't think so. Utah is not a good football team without their starting QB, and the Bruins are going to eat Tommy Grady for lunch. Don't be surprised though if the UCLA offense struggles again though. They have trouble with teams from the state of Utah. That's what Tommy's heard. Powder Blue Frauds-24, Stinky, Stinky Utes-3.
Butch: Butch saw how the Utes played without their starting quarterback and starting running back against Oregon State in Week One [you remember the game, Tommy, the one where you got lucky] and man, was that ugly. Butch takes UCLA to win and cover.
San Jose State at Stanford (-7)
Tommy: Another absolutely brutal line. Tommy has no clue what to think. The Spartans are not the team that they were last year, but Stanford is still Stanford. Sorry, Furd fans (all two of you), but Tommy cannot in good conscience side with a team that is 3-10 against the spread in their last 13. The Furd WINS, but even when they win, they lose. We Have The Smartest Losers-31, No Bowl This Year-28.
Butch: San Jose State is playing in their third consecutive road game [albeit not very far away in this one, but still…] and they are very, very tired. Butch takes the Trees to win and cover.
USC (-10) at Nebraska
Tommy: Color Tommy skeptical. The Trojans were not good against the spread early last season, and the trend continued in the Idaho game. But Tommy has seen the light: the dimness of Bill Callahan. With this man at the helm of Big Red, the Great Tommy is not looking for any offensive explosions. Another workmanlike win to leave Trojan fans uninspired. Good Guys-28, Ask Sammy K Why He Got The Boot At ASU (Sniff, Sniff)-10.
Butch: Tommy, you are selling your boys short again [remember when that happened in 2005 and the ghost of Billy Barty - as played by Johnny Depp, because you were nearer to Hollywood at the time - had to come and have a talk with you?]. Your main boy, Pete, is 5-0 SU and 4-1 ATS in the last five years in their road openers when the host school thinks they are gonna jump an unsuspecting USC. The Cornpones are going to find out the hard way – like Arkansas last year. Butch takes Tommy's boys to win and cover.
San Diego State at Arizona State (-28)
Tommy: Drunk Dennis and his minions only needed to play for a half to put a beatdown on the Buffs. They could only show up for one quarter against the Aztecs and still cover. Chuck Long hasn't taken a beating like this since his Sooners got trashed by SC in the Orange Bowl. Dennis Cheats, But He Wins-45, ASS-tecs-9.
Butch: The Sun Devils are going to thrash – [fill in the blank – doesn't matter with their easy home non-conference schedule] – this week. But if you are one of those anal types who actually require numbers to back up that wild-eyed statement, oh, alright – SDSU is 0-7 SU and 1-6 ATS on the road under Long. Butch takes ASU to win and cover.
New Mexico at Arizona (-10)
Tommy: Tommy is absolutely cringing at this game. The Cats' offense might be worse than Stanford's this season. Still, when was the last time the Lobos played a close game with anyone from a big conference? I guess two years ago, when they beat Missouri in Columbia. Hey, I talked myself into picking Los Wolves to cover. The Only Thing Hotter Than Mike's Head Is His Seat-17, Gimmick Defense-13.
Butch: What's this – a non-Division I-AA non-conference opponent at home!? Well, the Wildcats have had five of them critters in four years but they don't seem to cotton to them very well – except for those MWC teams and, hey!...whaddya know…it's one of them thar MWC teams! Well, then, Butch takes Arizona to win and cover.
Idaho at Wazzu (-26)
Tommy: SC couldn't cover against the Spuds, but the Cougs will be ready to cover because this is the greatest rivalry in sports. It's a huge game that happens every year in Pullman because WSU's stadium holds 34,000+, and they need every seat in the house for this extravaganza. The Kibbie Dome can't hold this puppy! WOO-HOO! Feel the excitement! The Big House-42, The Tiny House-10.
Butch: Bill Doba doesn't like beating up on anybody, especially his Palouse neighbors coached by one of his best friends. Four times he has had double digit spreads against the Spuds and only twice has he covered – and one of those was against a Dennis Erickson-coached team, so that was different. Butch takes Wazzu to win but Doba to keep it civil and allow Idaho to cover.
Last Week: 4-3
Overall: 10-6
Last Week: 6-1
Overall: 11-5
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