The Cougar Lounge - Neds Pink Oboe

"I've been looking forward to this for a long time. I've been waiting a long time to get out there and play that first game."

- Wazzu quarterback Gary Rogers, who will enter the 2008 fall camp as the first-string quarterback after three years of being the backup.

"Having been in the Pac-10, there's haves and there's have-nots."

- Former Arizona State athletic director, Kevin White, who is now the athletic director of a perennial "have" – Notre Dame.

"He's not God. He doesn't know what's going to happen tomorrow."

- Former Arizona hoop recruit Emmanuel Negedu citing program uncertainty swirling around head coach Lute Olson after requesting his release from his letter of intent and alleging that Olson is not a supreme being possessing supernatural powers.

"Stewart began his show by pondering what drink would be best to [accompany] a Jimmy Dean pancake and sausage on a stick."

- A supposedly earnest study conducted by the Project for Excellence in Journalism, attempting to determine the newsworthiness of The Daily Show and its resident host comedian, Jon Stewart. [The answer was Gatorade, of course].

The Lounge has frequently been accused of having a torrid love affair with some mythical fantasy world named Bunny or LaTonya or some other fake fantasy name – but we assure you - we have had only a purely platonic relationship with this mythical Bunny/LaTonya entity. We are all over reality – well, so to speak – and to prove it, look at this picture we have of soon-to-be former President Bush hanging out with some of his best chums from the University of Washington. We ask you - how much more real does it get than that?

At times, reality deals us a dud hand with cards like the six of clubs – the Lounge hates the six of clubs! – so when those times have come around, which seems like they always do on holiday weekends, we always can rely on submersing ourselves in ice cream to make it all go far, far away. Either that or vodka. So it is understandable that the Lounge was mired in a deep state of depression earlier this month upon learning the death of Irvine Robbins - one of the co-founders of Baskin-Robbins. Irv was the classic enigma wrapped in a riddle. First he was born a Canadian [can't go wrong there] and invented a wildly popular ice cream parlor with 31 flavors of ice cream whilst the other Canadians were preoccupied playing hockey and eating back bacon with their toques on sideways. On the other hand, he attended the University of Washington. Seeking to make amends for that youthful indiscretion, he dove into the ice cream business and is America ever glad he did. Father Lotto has personally spent many a romantic evening with his Jamocha Almond Fudge [reputed to be Irv's favorite flavor] and the Lounge will eat a pint in his honor this weekend whilst pondering what should have been the 32nd flavor – vodka. Mmmm…vodka-flavored ice cream.

The Lounge takes a brief moment for some book-pimping action. No, not the book of the Lounge's supposed fling with the fantasy tart but rather a former colleague who has now made good in the real world. We are touting one Nick Heil. The esteemed Mr. Heil [we have to say that because he used to work for an outfit called Men's Journal and they are very esteemed there] has written a very serious book titled Dark Summit - about Mt. Everest and the shenanigans going on in the Himalayas. While normally, we would direct you to the esteemed Mr. Heil's personal site, it appears he either hired Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch construction crew [they weren't busy doing anything, except sitting around eating doughnuts] or perhaps the foreman fell off the doughnut truck and the construction was temporarily halted – whatever the case, the site is still under construction, so we will send you instead to his book tour schedule, which, due to our highly predictable tardiness in locating it, will only be good if you live in California or Alaska – both very large states as we are to understand from our third-grade curriculum under our teacher Mrs. Miller [lovingly referred to as "Killer Miller" or it could have been our fourth-grade teacher Mrs. Torpey, also holding a lovable reference as "Torpey the Torpedo"]. Nevertheless, as we are to understand it, every household in America would not be complete unless they have at least two copies of this book.

Meanwhile, speaking of running around like a chicken with its head cut off, which, technically, we were not speaking about but, metaphorically, we were, [and which the esteemed Mr. Heil inspired us to use since we never got to use it when the Lounge was professionally associated with him] - with track and field season coming to a close, it is important to note that whenever anybody tells you that you can't do it all, kindly bring up the name of Bonnie Richardson, who, did indeed do it all.

"I am a little underwhelmed by the opponent in the Seattle game but I'm happy they saved the marquee opponents for Pullman," says Coach Burberry, upon the reporting of Montana State as an opponent in Seattle game for men's hoop next season.

Yes Coach, unlike the trend in football which has been to place the big name opponents [Colorado, Baylor and now, Oklahoma State] in a game at a stadium 300 miles away from Wazzu's campus, the men's hoop team has taken the opposite strategy of promoting the product and not the opposition for their version of the Seattle game. Beginning in the 2005-06 season with Utah and then following up with San Diego State and The Citadel, the Cougars have successfully grown the Seattle men's hoop game from 5,500 attendance against the Utes to 12,471 last year and all the while keeping the marquee opponents [Kansas State in 2005-06, Gonzaga in 2006-07 and again in 2008-09] coming to where the students are - in Pullman. With LSU reputed to be in the scheduling loop, yet another marquee opponent will be coming to Pullman as a partial reward for the fans who help make Wazzu's success possible and yet another reason why the men's hoop program is enjoying unprecedented success.

"What is the outlook for the football team this year?" asks Hans von Hutt, who is admittedly skeptical of pigs as well as their skin.

Well, Hans, it is like this – with a watered down bowl schedule being watered down even further with the addition of two more bowl games this year – bringing that total to 34 bowl games and 68 teams in those bowl games – the Cougars' chances just got a tiny bit better to get into a bowl game. Now then, whether or not they can get the seven wins necessary to make them bowl-eligible from their 13-game schedule, well, that's a bit more complicated. It will depend upon how the quickly the team can embrace and master the new system brought in by new head coach Paul Wulff and his staff. They will have the element of surprise on most opponents this year so if they can master [read: execute] the system to perfection or near-perfection, the Lounge clientele is in general agreement that they could get to the necessary seven wins – but nobody is booking their bowl game plans just yet.

With holiday weekend picnics and barbecues running rampant, it seems mandatory that we present a Food Fight for your enjoyment – as it is much better than thinking about how much money it costs to fill up the tank with gas.

Finally, everybody in Arkansas, Florida, Kentucky, West Virginia and Tennessee can breathe a sigh of relief at their picnics and barbecues this holiday weekend because the Lounge Scientists have confirmed that their first cousins are free to marry without genetic retributions.

"Education and testing is the best way to minimize the risk," says Lounge Scientist #42, Alan Bittles, a researcher at Murdoch University in Australia and which claims to have no cousin named Rupert.

Mmmm…vodka-flavored ice cream.

+++++++sponsored by Clark's Restaurant+++++++++

Attention COUGAR fans and well-wishers! Summer is almost here and you have the hunger. How can you afford to go one day further without some tasty morsels from Clark's Restaurant in Grays Harbor – home of the Best Hamburger in Twin Harbors for nine consecutive years? Come in for the burger, fresh homemade fries and milkshakes concocted from homemade ice cream. Go ahead, we dare you to try and pass up more than 12 varieties of hamburgers to choose from, full dinners, lunch and full breakfast served daily. Clark's Restaurant 360.538.1487. Seven miles south of Aberdeen, Washington on Highway 101. Proud supporter of CougZone. Mention this ad for a free small ice cream.