football

The Telepathic Tabernacle Holiday Version - Week 2

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The nog is being poured on thick and heavy this holiday season because, as usual, the BCS Taliban is forcing us to drink to forget some of these bowl match-ups. Our lips are burning with anticipation whenever we see the Chick fil-A Peach Bowl, the Ted Nugent Motor City Bowl, the GMAC Daddy Bowl and, of course, that blue "thing" in Boise. No need for alcohol ads – these bowls do all the hard selling. It almost makes us wistful for the old Poulan Weed Eater Bowl – now there was a man's man bowl! All we needed to go along with that was the Black & Decker Riding Lawn Mower Bowl. Ah, the good old days of interesting bowl games. Sigh, followed by, heavy sigh. For the 2005 bowl game season, the TeleTab has consulted both the Temple of Corn and the Prickly Cacti oracles. This mammoth effort on our behalf entailed frequent incidental contact with eggnog that resulted in nog-enhanced hallucinogenic picks. But what's worse – drinking nog and picking bowl games or listening to yet another stubborn BCS Taliban official say the "system" worked because it set up a 1-2 match-up that was predicted by every single one of Santa's 437 non-unionized elves as well as 23 reindeer [even the backups] while screwing the Pac-10 yet again [Ah, who cares? It's just those West Coast troglodytes, what do they know about football?]. Needless to say, the decision was painfully easy. So there you have it. Seven more bowls, no waiting, no need for a local anethesia. Welcome to Week Two of the Tab's 2005 Holiday Bowl Game Extravaganza.
"Ted Nugent" Motor City Bowl
Akron v. Memphis
Line: Memphis by 6
Straight Up – Memphis
Against The Spread – Akron
Tab Sez: What the world needs now is love, sweet love and what Memphis needed was one more game where they could try to get DeAngelo Williams the NCAA rushing title over Jerome Harrison. Akron is going to key on Williams like an athletic director on bowl game blazers and they might win too – they are 2-0 against C-USA teams under head coach Brookhart.
Sports Bowl
Clemson v. Colorado
Line: Clemson by 7
Straight Up – Clemson
Against The Spread – Clemson
Tab Sez: The entire Colorado football program has been a running joke [so to speak] for the last two years but here's the punch line – Gary Barnett was still surprised he was fired. Of course, he was the only one after that 70-3 loss to Texas a few weeks ago. The entire civilized world [the part that cares, anyway] will be surprised if Clemson does not win this game – they just have to watch out for the post-game brawl.
Insight Bowl
Arizona State v. Rutgers
Line: Arizona State by 10.5
Straight Up – Arizona State
Against The Spread – Arizona State
Tab Sez: Here's a little insight on the Scarlet Knights – five of their seven wins have come against a Division I-AA team [Villanova] and four Division I teams with a combined record of 15-40 – and they lost to 2-9 Illinois. Rutgers has played in one bowl game in the school's history – a 1978 loss to ASU. History is about to repeat itself.
Boise "MPC Computers" Bowl
Boise State v. Boston College
Line: Boise State by 1
Straight Up – Boston College
Against The Spread – Boston College
Tab Sez: More like the Computer Virus Bowl with one look at that blue field. Boise opened as the favorite and then promptly became the underdog. Good thinking too because although the Broncos have never lost their own bowl game, BC has never lost a bowl game in the 21st century [5-0]. Something's gotta give and it's going to be Boise.
Alamo Bowl
Michigan v. Nebraska
Line: Michigan by 11
Straight Up – Michigan
Against The Spread – Michigan
Tab Sez: Remember the Alamo? We don't think either of these teams will, so why should we? The Wolverines played a schedule worthy of a BCS Taliban bowl but, unfortunately for them, forgot to win enough of them and Nebraska's big claim to fame is that at least they are 40 points better than Colorado. The Tab questions Michigan's zeal for this game but we will take Big Blue over Big Red.
Holiday Bowl
Oklahoma v. Oregon
Line: Oregon by 3
Straight Up – Oregon
Against The Spread – Oregon
Tab Sez: Here we go again. Oregon will be playing this game not only for themselves but for an entire conference. Last year, California had the same opportunity and dropped the ball. This year, the conference gets a second chance and Oregon gets the call.
Emerald Bowl
Georgia Tech v. Utah
Line: Georgia Tech by 7.5
Straight Up – Georgia Tech
Against The Spread – Georgia Tech
Tab Sez: Is there anything more out of place than a Utahan in San Francisco? Well, now that the Tab thinks about it, the polygamy-practicing Utahans might not think it's too bad. The Rambling Wreck is going to wreak havoc on the Utes – plain and simple.
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