The Telepathic Tabernacle - Week 11

There has been a surprising dearth of skunks in the Telepathic Tabernacle this year – especially double skunks, which can only mean one thing – don't eat any holiday fruitcake. That's good advice any year, of course, but sometimes a person can get a little too full of nog, think they're indestructible and the next thing you know, they're rolling around on the ground clutching the fruitcake knot in their gut. This year the TeleTab has been so close on double skunks that they can not only smell them, they can see them lighting up their ceegars in the driveway. The Tab seems to get a skunk in the Straight Up division once every two weeks and last week was not one of the Tab's scheduled skunk weeks but there was the skunk sitting on the porch with the ceegar-cutter poised delicately in a guillotine-like stance, just waiting for the Cougars to finish off Arizona. But the ceegar was never cut and the Cougars never won, leaving the Tab at 4-1 for the week and just above 80% for the year – not bad but not getting too much separation either. But that 80% keeps hanging around, gathering confidence, and the Tab can't afford to let 80% just hang around or else the terrorists win. In the ATS, the Tab was under .500 again at 2-3, for the third time in four weeks, and fell closer to 55% in that division than to 60% - utterly atrocious kibble is what that is. However, the lone bright spot was that one of those wins was the Gem of the Week - the Tab's first Gem in three weeks, to break the voodoo spell in that category and get the Tab back above the equator at 5-4-1 on the year.
The eleventh week of the season brings the usual array of tantalizing games. Washington, coming off their fifth loss in a row, finally draws the conference cupcake card in Stanford and should have a one week reprieve from losing with a get well card from the Trees, but that game is clearly in the Games Not To Touch With The Proverbial 39.5-Foot Poles, since nobody knows if the Trees are really a Division I football team or really a bunch of circus performers playing an elaborate hoax on the rest of the country. Meanwhile, USC comes off their first cover in approximately 612 million years – but it was against Stanford, so that gigantic asterisk is currently migrating south along with Oregon this week and Oregon State, the conference's hottest team, plays UCLA, perhaps the conference's most confused team [aside from the Cougars] and even the oddsmakers are not sure what to make of either game and they still can't make up their minds. The Tab has the Gem of the Week all picked out though – it will be California to cover against Arizona with only a mere 13-point deficit. Bear coach Jeff Tedford has his team on a possible Rose Bowl path for the first time in nearly 50 years and it's highly unlikely his defense will allow the Wildcat offense to pound his defense like they did to the Cougars last week. Tedford has had a good track record of handling Arizona recently and the only thing that will keep them from covering will be if Joe Ayoob gets in late and gives them a few gifts. This week's deranged digressions….
Washington over Stanford
California over Arizona
Oregon State over UCLA
Arizona State over WSU
USC over Oregon
Last Week: 4-1
Overall: 49-11
UW [-18] over Stanford
Cal [-13] over Arizona
OSU [PK] over UCLA
ASU [+1] over WSU
USC [-7.5] over Oregon
Last Week: 2-3
Overall: 34-25-1
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