The Telepathic Tabernacle - Week 13

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There is a good excuse. See, the Telepathic Tabernacle was temporarily distracted by the National Pole-Dancing Competition in Las Vegas last week and it just so happened that it coincided with the exact time the TeleTab was making the picks for the Straight Up Division – so, you can surely see the dilemma involved. Once the competition was over, the Tab made the ATS picks and – voila! – look how much more focused those were! So, the Tab was mentally detained for a portion of last week, but that doesn't mean the records get thrown out. The ugly truth is, that 0-3 mark in the SU has to be plopped in there with the rest of the season's numerals. In the ATS, the Tab finished a respectable 2-1 and that was including a pick of Arizona to cover even if Dennis Dixon had stayed healthy. The big hit – however – came, once again, at the expense of Washington as the Fightin' Tedfords showed they have no more fight left in them this year and rolled over like a pill bug on its back with all its legs waving in the air. Their unexpected loss to the Hussies took down the Tab's three-game win streak in the Gem of the Week category and dropped the overall mark to 7-5 on the year. For the other categories, the Tab drops like a stone in the SU Division to 46-21 [69%] – making it impossible to reach the 80% gold standard in 2007. The numerals in the ATS [Against The Spread] Division moved upward slightly again with the 2-1 week and now sits squarely at the 60% bar the Tab likes to set for the year.
Week 13 is a hodgepodge of hallucination or a beehive of bumbling, but either way you look at it, it is going to keep your eyeballs skittering back and forth. The Tab does not want to touch three of this week's games with the proverbial 39.5-foot pole [not the one used in Vegas], for obvious reasons. Those not to be touched are USC-Arizona State [turkey fryer controversy], Oregon-UCLA [Kneegate controversy] and Wazzu-Washington [just a general overall bad feeling] – so that leaves one game for Gem of the Week status and that game will be the Notre Dame-Stanford match-up. The Leprechauns had a bye week named Duke last week and got their second win of the year while the Trees had a real bye week. Aside from when they are playing teams with 19th-stringed one-armed quarterbacks or teams worse than they are, the Leprechauns have generally lost this year whereas the Trees have only mostly lost but occasionally won and look like they have some life to them when they play. This group of juniors and seniors for the Trees have not won yet against the Leprechauns but they have covered the spread the last two years and head coach Jim Harbaugh never lost to the Leprechauns while he was a QB at Michigan – so the Tab thinks he ain't gonna start taking any guff from no lowly Leprechauns now. The Tab seeks to re-start the winning streak and selects the Trees to win and cover against the Leprechauns for the official Gem of the Week. The rest of this week's tweaked twitters of twisted thinking….

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Arizona State over USC
Stanford over Notre Dame
Oregon over UCLA
Washington over Wazzu
Last Week: 0-3
Overall: 46-21
ASU [+4] over USC
Oregon [-1.5] over UCLA
Stanford [-3.5] over Notre Dame
UW [-5.5] over Wazzu
Last Week: 2-1
Overall: 40-27
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