football

The Telepathic Tabernacle - Week Five

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The nog continues to flow with a renewed vigor at the Telepathic Tabernacle headquarters. After a brief interruption in service last week - to which is now referred to as an anomaly - the TeleTab continued to be on fire in the Straight Up [SU] Division as the Tab pulled in a good-but-not-great 5-1 mark for the fourth week. While normally an 80% week in the SU is golden, because the Tab had been so smokin' hot in the first three weeks, that actually lowered the overall 2010 season percentage to a still-impressive 88% - which remained well above the gold standard of 80% that the Tab sets for the year. The only loss was UCLA and their tricky Pistol-packin' offense which completely surprised Texas [yes, boo-hoo for poor Texas - maybe if they had come to the Pac-10 they might have won that game….] and not only did the Bruins' offense run over and through Texas but the UCLA defense stymied the Longhorns for virtually the entire game. The Tab saw the defensive part of the equation coming, but was not sure if the offensive portion of the equation would have clarity - obviously it did and the Tab took the hit in both divisions. Still, even with that hit, the numbers were slightly better last week in the Against The Spread [ATS] Division than they were the week before as the Tab brought in a 4-2 mark for the week to improve to 22-12 on the year - a respectable 65% for the year. Those numerals are solid and still above the gold standard of 60% set for this division, but the Tab can do better. The other culprit in the ATS Division was Arizona - after upsetting Iowa the week before, the Wildcats were unable to get up for California [not surprising, since the Bears looked dreadful against Nevada the week before] - who could not cover a measly 4.5-point spread. But that was made up by Oregon. Although the Nikes did not cover their spread by the whopping margin the Tab expected, they did squeak by with a half-point to spare and gave the Tab their second successful Gem of the Week for the 2010 season, raising the yearly mark to 2-2 overall in Gems this year.
Week Five is a tough week - all four games are close in their spreads and none of the quartet stand out head and shoulders above the others. First up is Wazzu/UCLA, with the status of quarterback Kevin Prince up in the air as of Tab press time, the Tab will have to pass on that game. Next up is Arizona State and Oregon State and although Riley's Rodents have let the Tab down in the past, their game is intriguing. USC hosts Washington and the Tab would prefer a single digit spread here with the Hussies coming off a bye week. Finally, there is Stanford and Oregon - an epic Trees/Nikes match-up. The Tab favors the Trees to cover this spread but is frightened like a scared little bunny rabbit to give it hallowed Gem status. So with all those scenarios clearly laid out, the Tab has decided to go with Riley's Rodents to begin their annual migration back to respectable. This is the Rodents' fourth game of the year and, as has been the routine under head coach Mike Riley, they have already had the standard close road loss and ugly home win. So with those two requirements out of the way, it is time for this week's game against the Sun Devils to join other early October games of years past [USC in 2008 and ASU in 2009, for example] when the Rodents begin to their turnaround. The Tab likes having to absorb only a field goal and a nick and selects Riley's Rodents as the official Gem of the Week. The rest of this week's outrageous overdoses of oogling….
STRAIGHT UP
UCLA over Wazzu
Oregon State over Arizona State
USC over Washington
Oregon over Stanford
Last Week: 5-1
Overall: 30-4
AGAINST THE SPREAD
UCLA [-25.5] over Wazzu
OSU [-3.5] over ASU
USC [-10] over UW
Stanford [+7] over Oregon
Last Week: 4-2
Overall: 22-12
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