football Edit

The Telepathic Tabernacle - Week Seven

If it was possible for the Telepathic Tabernacle to have a worse week, then it must be a reality show. The only win of the week [that's right "only" is the correct use of linguistics here] was the relative slam dunk of USC over Arizona and things have got to be pretty sad when that is being pointed out. It might have been even more saddening had the boys of Troy not extended their meager 28-21 lead into the final 42-21 margin of victory which did not come anywhere close to covering the spread on the game and makes the Trojans 0-2 for covering after going 3-0 in their first three games. Things just got worse from there as the Cougars proved they were no better than UC-Davis with a feeble loss to feeble Stanford. In their road game, the Aggies knocked Stanford quarterback Trent Edwards out of the game and never allowed the Trees to score an offensive touchdown while the Cougars made Edwards look like some sort of unstoppable Heisman Trophy candidate and allowed three offensive touchdowns on their home turf. The TeleTab is telepathic but as Manfred Mann says, we were blinded by the light on that game. Then, just as the Tab is ready to absorb another Straight Up Division loss with California losing to UCLA, we were consoled by the fact that at least the Bears will cover and save a portion of the Gem of the Week, until….Cal quarterback Joe Ayoob throws a late pick and UCLA converts the turnover into a spread-splattering seven-point win. By the time Arizona State imploded on late night television, the Tab was already been reduced to a quivering mass of gelatin-like goo.
The Tab's only two reliable Gems this season are California and ASU and neither were very reliable last week, so the Tab is electing to make a tactical maneuver by going with Oregon to defeat Washington in that really, really big rivalry game by more than 15 points for our Gem of the Week. Washington was the victim in the Tab's initial Gem victory and recently, when the Highlighters have had good teams [as this year's version appears to be] and they have played the Hussies at home, they have covered. Washington had a bye week to prepare and the Tab figures that is good for about a quarter's worth of denial. The Tab is going to go up to the podium – cite recent history, the Bruins' first road trip outside of the state and other arcane references - and predict a Cougar upset of UCLA this week [Note: The Tab has been immersed in a highly volatile state of caffeination all this week and judgment may be impaired]. USC will do what USC always does – beat Notre Dame, Cal will scrape by and Arizona will get Mike Stoops his first conference win in something like 90 million years. This week's backwards bags of mystery….
California over Oregon State
Oregon over Washington
USC over Notre Dame
Arizona over Stanford
Last Week: 1-3
Overall: 32-8
OSU [+16] over Cal
Oregon [-15] over Washington
USC [-11.5] over Notre Dame
WSU [+6.5] over UCLA
Arizona [-4.5] over Stanford
Last Week: 0-4
Overall: 25-14-1
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